It’s easy to lie.
Its easy to lie to someone else and pretend that everything is fine.
Until you realise that you’ve lied so much, you’ve become the lie.
I’ve been staring at this space on the wall, and then at my phone and then back at the wall. I’ve been doing this for over an hour and a half now and each time i stare at the digits on my phone, i hurt a little bit more.
The numbers move slowly, so slowly in fact that it feels almost like it isn’t moving at all.
And then suddenly an hour passes and the pain you’ve felt earlier has swelled up so much that you’re almost gagging; unable to breath or speak, or even close your eyes and hope to fall asleep.
I’ve lost a lot of things on the path to what I believed was what I wanted.
But they never made themselves known, at least not until i lapsed into these momentary cries of a crazed enemy.
And then i can only laugh and blame myself for what I have become and what I will continue to become.
Because really, what did I even know before?
Did i know what I want?
Did i forsee what would have happened or did I just play pretend.
In the end.
I lie here in my despair, alone and shivering.
And I blame no one, but laugh at the cruelty of my own joke and my belief of my own self worth.