i finally watched gravitation… yes.. the anime about 2 gay guys… WAD LAR!!! KENOT WATCH WAN IZZIT??? cis.. u_u …
Aaaanyyyywwaaayyy… after watching it.. it kinda lifted my spirits up high again and my faith in things are slowly coming back.. lol… you know how i said i’d never give up and let ian go.. well I MEAN IT… the past few weeks i though that maybe i wasn’t really in love with him anymore because of the way i felt and the way i treated him recently…but today i realised that it wasn’t true..
i’m still very much in love with him and i think i will b for a long long time more to come… the past week or last week for that matter we’ve been fighting like hell thanks to a certain “miss i’m so much mroe mature than u” *snorts…* and because we fought so much…1 day i got so frustrated and irritated i threw away approximately 4 kgs of his meat.. lol.. and he got really pissed at it… after that he’s been ignoring me and telling me to fuck off and stuff like that..the usual when he’s pissed and angry .. this happened on saturday …
but despite everything..i went to his hse that very night.. and he was shocked to see me and went out clubbing.. but he asked me 2 very significant questions ..
1. why after everything.. and after what happen.. u still dare to come here wan ar?
2. actually.. why am i even keeping u here *he tucked me into bed.. searched the hse 4 story books 4 me..and told me to sleep early..told me he’d b back soon despite being supremely angry at me and also not including the fact he could easily drag me out of the hse n dump me somewhere else*
that very night he came home drunk but not entirely and told me he was sorry and that he really loved me n cared for me..but he doesnt know why he keep doing these things and failing me… and.. all i did was ignore him … because at that time i found him really annoying.. like.. i was sleeping soundly..dreaming summoh and all of a sudden he litereally body slams me and hugs me so tightly while crying and saying those words.. and i was just as angry at him becuase he abandoned me and went clubbing T_T
after that day he continued to be angry at me..not because i ignored him…but because he was still angry about the whole meat incident…and i continued to be angry at him because he was angry at me when it was only partly my fault..i mean i did throw his meat.. BUT HELLO?? what was the cause of it?? and who provoked it..and IN FACT.. Who ENCOURAGED IT.. it hurt me that he was only angry at me…this put me in quite a mood and i made myself sick on monday just to avoid going to school..
i coughed n coughed forcefully until my coughed became real and was quite bad cuz tears were streaming down my face..so i havent been to school on monday or today for that fact..im perfectly fine..just slight coughs..but i was just too moody to go 2 school today 4 those of u who are wondering abt my sudden disappearence…
anyway back to the topic at hand… on monday all he did was yell at me when i went to see him.. it was either yell at me or completely ignore me.. i went to his hse in the morning.. i cried my eyes out due to frustration at him.. which he totally ignored and asked me to fuck off instead.. i went home shortly after knowing i would get in trouble with my parents if they found out i went out again.. but despite what happened.. i went to see him again in the afternoon… this time at his stall..he was with his friend.. so he pretty much ignored me most of the time..i didnt feel much.. i just felt numb.. because it was expected i guess…i finally got fed up of him ignoring me and went home.. and did nothing more.. i wasnt even particularly moody or anything..just slightly uncomfortable.. but not as bad as my usual break downs…
and today.. i went to see him again.. he tried pushing me away ..he tried ignoring me.. but i just kept pushing and disturbing him.. until.. i finally made him smile and laugh…and…funnily.. i wanted to cry when that happened…because he finally smiled for me..but when he noticed my expression..he immediately went back to deliberate angry mood trying to push me away and asking me to leave.. but once again i just kept pressing.. and he kept avoiding my gaze but i was happy.. because he talked to me and did his usual rounds of complains and he just kept talking and talking.. although refusing to look at me …hahhaha..im not making much sense am i…lol..but he did try to provoke me by saying things like.. i go find other girls.. blah blah blah in this teasing manner that he usually does when he wants my attention…
den i started playing with his ears..*he loves it when i use cotton buds and clean his ears 4 him while he lies on my lap..lol..he can even fall asleep* so he asked me to get cotton buds and i did.. den i said.. u lie on my lap 1st ..which he totally refused saying its public n blah blah blah.. den i started teasing him.. and he went into his usual merajuking sulk in corner mode… until i finally said.. u give me kiss than i give u the cotton bud.. u give me hug i give u 1 cotton bud..u give me kiss then i give u 2… but he just went.. no.. dont want.. shuin! i dont want TT … and i continue to kacau him by waving the cotton buds around… and kept pressing.. kiss me and u get ure cotton buds…
finally he said.. i kiss u later.. i asked him where.. he said in his hse.. den i said..but im going home soon.. den he said too bad..finally i said.. kiss me on my cheek… and he did.. ^-^… u cannot imagine how ecstatic i was at that moment… *am i boring u? cuz if i am..u shuld stop reading now…long way mroe to go* but i only gave him 1 cotton bud ;p and then he merajuk and said i cheated him.. hahaha.. he saw me smile and laugh at him.. and he immediately went back to his cold ignore me mode..
but me being me..i just continued disturbing him by lying on his shoulder and trying to plant kisses on him… after trying for about half an hour.. i finally got to kiss him on his lips ^-^ and he looked at me shocked for a moment then immediately looked down.. and then it was time and i had to go before i got in trouble.. i gave him another kiss and this time he didnt try to resist…and i went home.. happy..and smiling like the arse i am.. u know those huge lovey dovey smiles where u giggle to ureself for no particular reason kinda way..
later in the afternoon..i went to see him again..this time he was at home.. and he was quite shocked to see me again and told me to go home but i ignored him and sat next to him… but he kept pushing me away,, finally i sat on the floor and laid my head on his stomach…and he let me…although he was constantly mumbling abt me being irritating and stuff and how fan i was.. but he didnt push me away…
not long after he went into his room to sleep..and i followed.. and he tried pushing me out but me being the stubborn cow i am just pushed my way in and he gave in.. i hugged him while he tried to sleep and he kept pushing me away again.. but i just continued..each time hugging tighter than before until he finally caved… he even let me kiss him ^-^
blah blah blah.. soon it was time to go home because he had to go back to school for basketball and i had to go home before i was caught out.. in the car….i tried holding his hand but he kept pulling away …. then i started merajuking and trashing about the front seat of the car making those manja noises and he finally let me hold his hand.. and…i saw him smile…my heart melted and i wanted to hug him right there and then…he saw me looking at him.. and he immediately pulled his hand away and continued driving…. nothing much else happened….. but he did give me my goodbye kiss… and… again… i went home with that stupid smile plastered on my face..
thinking about what happened today… im actually crying right now.. hahaha.. and the funniest part is.. i started thinking about all this after watching gravitation…because despite what shit the both of them had to go through…one of them never gave up on the other.. and just kept pressing on eventhough his lover tried to escape because he didnt want to hurt him anymore .. and aihya.. complicated wan lar the story..but it was the determination of a cartoon character that sparked my feelings and made me want to never give up again…
soooo… IM IN LOVE WITH IAN LOW HAN YI AND I WILL NEVER GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT!!! ^-^v! yes…he is worth that much to me.. no matter how foolish people may think of me.. or how stupid i may seem to everyone…. i will continue to fight for him.. and i will continue to be by his side even if it kills me ;p
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