do u know where u reach certain points of frustration that u just burst out crying. today i watched that happened to a friend of mine and i have to admit. it’s happen to me one time too many. in fact. have u been so frustrated that you’ve lost all thoughts and get so confused that you just keep thinking but yet totally unaware of what it is that’s making little foorprints in your mind?
today again.. his words hit me in the face and stabbed me in my heart. half truths or full truth im totally unsure off but what was it about those words that shook me up? i knew that and i’ve been through it so many times.. so why does this time make it different? and i realise. it’s the fact that it doesnt. it’s the fact that somehow it may be more truth than fiction. and that even after more than a year. our love or at least his love is slowly flowing.. fading away.. or in fact it already has.
it made me wonder again for possibly the millionth time. what are we now? where are we? where are we headed? and what are we doing?who is he really? who am i? what am i too him? what is he too me? questions just screaming in my head. as tears slowly form in the corners of my eyes. and what do i do? nothing. but smile and push back my tears and pretend it’s allright.
and the best fucking thing is. in approximately 36 hours from now. ill be boarding a plane to bali, indonesia alone with him and my menses *if it comes on schedule* and a relationship that’s floating in the midst of undefined love. hanging. lost. and untold. for a total of 72 hours and another 24 hours in malaysia. =] i wonder where this will take us. will it show the truth of what we are. where we’re at? or just the same. unanswered?…
and yes. this will be the 1st time in nearly 2 years that we’ll be together alone for more than 20 hours without the possible interference of his friends. or anyone else we know for that matter unless for some bizzare twist of fate we manage to meet someone we know in bali.
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