somethings weird.

i know something’s happened.

i was trying to sleep but couldnt fall asleep and finally i did. but i woke up with a start about 15 mins ago. and just as i woke up. chippy started barking.

now i feel weird. like somethings missing or something’s happened. or just something.

…..wth? …..

when i was younger. i always heard stories of abusive relationships. i’ve even seen it within my own family. and it made me wonder. how did the abused one take all of it. why didn’t he/she just leave? why are they so stupid to let themselves get beat up the way there were…

and then i found myself in one. i was slapped. hit. punched. kicked. had my head banged on the wall. had a belt tied around my neck until i turned blue and couldn’t breath. strangled. pushed against walls and cupboards and even mirrors.

it lasted a few months. but i stuck through it thinking that maybe he would change. how long would that girl have a hold over him. yes. he abused me. over a girl. yes. that girl. the 1 he tried to kiss on aaron’s birthday in atmosphere. yeah. that 1.

i couldnt take it. so we broke up. and he admitted. he did those things to me. because he hated me because she layan him so much that he fell for her. but then later on. when i tried to move on i nearly succeeded too. but. he wouldn’t let me. he took the guy i liked away from me. he did things to try and mend it between us.

and he told me. he wanted me more than anything in this world and that THAT GIRL no longer meant a thing to him and he would do anything to get me back. he did things. he even told her during someone’s farewell that he wasnt suppose to talk to her. and she threw a bitch fit.

or so says he and his good pal. how far this thing is true. i really don’t know. but i believed and i fell. i fell again. i couldn’t get out of it. i was so addicted to him. we were suppose to get back together. but something happened. and we changed out minds. but yet. we acted like we were together. every single day.

yesterday we had a talk.i asked him if he loved me. and if he really wanted me to stay with him. he said yes. den i said. are you willing to sacrifice things for me. or are u more willing to sacrifice me for the things you are doing now. he didn’t know. so we decided. that we would give him a week to think. and on the 1st of October. he would tell me his decision.

we weren’t suppose to speak or see each other during this period. but we couldn’t resist. and we ended up going to dinner today. he lied to me. we fought. things happened. and for the first time in over 6 months. he hit me. again.

possibly 1 of the worst times he has ever abused me. because this time. he tried to push me out of the car. head 1st. and i would have fallen. if i hadn’t been holding onto the car door. and now. i wished i hadn’t held on.

this wasn’t enough for him. it continued with more slapping and hitting. and the last 1 being him trying to strangle me. why did he do this? what was the reason you wonder.

well. it was this.

money.

greed.

and his addiction to fusball dota and pool.

and why do i still love him? this question. it makes me wonder even more. i know he never loved me. i know he just loved the love i gave him. so why? why am i so stupid? to go through this for so long. for over 2 years i’ve been in this.

the funnier question still. i’m not even his gf. so how do u end up in an abusive relationship with an ex? hahahaha.. funny isnt it. i wonder if i had been his gf at that time. would i be dead now? that would have been a lot better wouldn’t it?

no. im not suicidal. but i really did wish i could die.

the ironies of life.

i hope i die of your abuse.

really.

i do.

i hope all the times you’ve hit me. including today.has actually caused some things to malfunction in my body.

my head hurts a lot now. i wonder if it had anything to do with you banging my head against the car door just now??

i hope it does.

maybe i’ll land in the hospital and die there.

isn’t that what you’ve always wished for?

maybe that’s why you won’t let me go.

because like she says.

you want me to die in your hands.

and so.

i really hope i do.

=’) … but no matter.

i still love you.

so it’s pretty cool if i die in the hands of the 1 i love most.

it’s so dramatic i know.

i can’t die so easily.

its just banging my head against things.

that won’t kill me.

but.

i can’t help wishing it will…

can i?

i really hope it does.

after all.

love kills.

doesn’t it?

hmmm..seeing as i havent uploaded a pic in a while ;p so here’s a bunch of them.. kekeke..stolen from sam who so kindly did this ;p hohohoho so i didnt have to do it myself =D i know it’s a little small here because my layout also small u_u .. so.. if u want to see the full pic.. you can either visit my yafro, my public blog.. or click here =D toodles

Ginny+Mondays= Disasters

T_T… wth man.. like every monday also something bad happens to me… today i was on my way to school and as usual i was lying down in the backseat sleeping when my mother suddenly breaks and i FALL down and HIT MY HEAD AND MY SPINE.. T_T.. its been 2-3 hours and my head still hurts T_T .. i actually cried when this happened.. LIKE HOW RARE IS THAT

not very long ago i was messing around with verlyn and i sat on her..and she jumped around till i fell off and I FELL FACE DOWN on the front spraled with my legs and hands like the vertruvian man “=_= .. and i didnt even cry… i just laughed at the stupidity of the whole situation.. well..i wanted to cry..there were tears but i was laughing more.. and usually when i fall i laugh…

SO U CAN IMAGINE THE IMPACT OF THIS THAT IT WOULD MAKE ME CRY continuously for like 15 minutes before i stopped!!! now my neck aches and random parts of my body will suddenly have sharp pains “=_= zzzzzz

and i just got a new maid yesterday.. and already today my parents made her cry “=_= my goodness.. she hasn’t even been here for 24 hours yet @_@..i wonder how long will she last u_u