lol.. once again my blog seems to attract nameless faceless ppl who seem to have interest in my life but are too afraid to let me know who they are to have such a keen interest in oh so *lovely* life ;p

i shopuld b happy cuz i just came back from mid valley

i got the pink polka dotted school bag i wanted from gap plus 3 quarter pants and a sweater.. but no.. im not at all happy T_T

sighy

fucking pissed and angry right now

fucking hell

…

honestly… its so friggin funny.. the fucking situation..

let’s see im going on a cruise tonight with sam michelle and none other than ian..

everything was settled..

BUTt NooOOooO…

me and ian were getting along just fine in the afternoon until HIS WONDERFUL FRIENDS TOOK HIM OUT…and 1 in particular took him to a hill with lots of beers with two girls… he was suppose to be at my hse at 1Am.. but came at 5AM.. resulting in us fighting like nobody’s business and me wanting to screw those 2 girls and that particular guy upside down…

so then b4 he arrives at my house he’s throwing a hissy fit.. YES.. a hissy fit and being an asshole.. once in my house.. he collapses in the toilet.. coughing up BLOOD and starts to cry saying how useless he is and how sorry he is and that he wants me to leave him.. WHY.. because he has no money and he has no right to have me and that he now needs to borrow money from a LOAN SHARK……. YES.. i REPEAT.. A LOAN SHARK.. and that he doesnt want to pull me into it..

i pull him up.. he sits on the toilet bowl.. i ask him if he’s on drugs again.. and he says he’s not and that he hasnt taken drugs in a month.. and i laugh.. I LAUGH IN HIS FACE… and then he breaks down and says if i don’t believe him he will cut himself.. which i continues laughing.. went out and took a blade and gave it to him.. he tried.. but him being him he was too afraid to really press it in.. it left no mark..

he just sat there looking at me with watery red eyes telling me nobody loved him and nobody cares for him and that he doesnt want to drag me into his mess………. and i feel my anger boil up… i hate the people who dragged him into this mess.. i hate all of you who screwed up his life… what the fuck is wrong with you people…

i hold him and take him to my bed where he falls on it and starts crying again.. this time about his mother and me not loving him “=_= and he starts the whole repeated cycle again of asking me to leave him yet at the same time giving very obvious hints not to leave him.. i hugged him and he continued.. i got sick of listening to him.. so i turned away…

and he starts crying again.. calling my name over and over again until i face him and hug him to sleep……. and im lost……..

im not sure how i feel.. im not sure how he feels… but all i know is… i hate the lot of you who made his life the way it is now….

he wakes up..looks around for me sees me on the other end of the bed and pulls me back to his side… holding me tight and falling asleep….a phone call from his sister… and i find out… today is his mother’s birthday.. i can’t believe i 4got… he got drunk on his mother’s birthday……

off he goes to nilai.. when he comes back.. he’s in one of his hissy fits again.. and i just had a wonderful fight with him… over his dumb friends and his stupidity of getting himself into shit with more money problems than he ever had and apparently how inconsiderate i was to expect his dad to drop HIM HERE AT MY HOUSE and send HIS OWN DAUGHTER HOME before running off to meet his friends for golf….

Someone please tell me how am i ever going to survive this

and for once. im actually glad i wont be in the country for 2 weeks.

i wonder why you so enjoy making me fight with other people

i wonder why you make me hate people when in fact i like them a lot

i wonder why you hurt me the way you do

i wonder why you can tell me you love me and not mean it

i wonder why you can tell me you love me and yet mean it

i wonder how you can be 2 different people

i wonder what is it about me that you want that you would need to cheat me for it

i wonder why you won’t let me have anyone else when you claim you don’t want me

i wonder why…

(4.37am edit. I WANT TO FUCKING THROW THINGS AND SMASH STUFF UP.. FUCKING PISSED AND ANNOYED…FUCKING IRRITATED…

HOW THE FUCK IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO HATE SOMONE SO MUCH YET STILL LOVE THEM JUST AS MUCH?)