well.. after MANY MANY MONTHS
ive finally finished reading where rainbows end.. YEAH LA>. MONTHS LA… hallo.. you have to admit the starting a bit draggy and irritating right.. and i had so many more interesting books to read about U_U… but i admit.. middle there start to catch my attention eidi.. hohohoh
but.. i can’t help feeling depressed after reading it..
most of you already know my firm believes of how PLATONIC BEST FRIENDS BETWEEN GUY AND GIRLS just dont WORK OUT and that i BELIEVE THEY WILL ALWAYS FALL FOR EACH OTHER… and reading this book made me think of Ian and THAT PARTICULAR PERSON WHOM HE TRIED TO KISS ON MY GOOD FRIENDS BIRTHDAY WHOM I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO NOT BECAUSE OF MY GOOD FRIEND.. HE ASKED ME TO GO BUT WAS NOT ALLOWED TO BY IAN BECAUSE OF SAID PARTICULAR FEMALE.
and it made me wonder……
could i possibly have destroyed a soul mate thingie since they were after all talking about how perfect they were for each other and maybe they just havent realise it yet and crap like that..
AND YES PEOPLE.. i am very well aware that this was a YEAR ago but things haunt okay. and every little detail of hurt that he has put me through i remember very vividly and yes occasionally i do still cry at them..
and this particular image of him kissing her has not left me and to be honest never really went away because everytime i heard her name or i hear her voice or see anything of her.. OR EVEN when im alone.. this image appears and my head and i get all moody and irritated… but i can’t help it.. i was so badly betrayed not only by my bf but by my EX GOOD FRIEND as well….. whom i once trusted so much…… like how much hurt can a person really take ..
i still remember the conversation we had and how the day went.. many of you already know this story but i don’t know why i just really felt like blogging about it
well.. on this particular day.. it was the day before prom night.. and so i went to mid valley with my friends because me and ian were already having a fight and him not wanting to leave said girl.. i was in Dome when he suddenly calls and demands that i take a cab to his house because he’s sorry and that he misses me and he really wants me there..
and so okay lor. since everyone else was like leaving anyway… i went there and there he was in his boxer on the couch waiting for me to give him a hug.. and so we just lay on the couch hugging each other until he said he had to go to the party which i wanted to go..and then we started to fight because he refused to let me go.. in the end i got pissed i called a cab and left
i went home to cry… but me being me.. i called him.. i heard her voice really close but he insisted she wasn’t anywhere near him at that all he said to her was hello and nothing else…
i cried myself to sleep that night and was woken up around 1 am by a phone call.. it was Ian.. drunk yet not entirely..
“Gin…. I LOVE YOU *yes he quite literally shouted “=_=*”
“mmmmm.. er.. okay…”
“YOU SEE! im not drunk! and im calling you to tell you i love you! you should be proud of me!”
“why?”
“because not only am i not drunk and calling you BUT TODAY I SWEAR! i never talk to *** *** and i never even go near her!! I LOVE YOU A LOT GIN! MUACKS. you go and sleep ler.k? i love you my precious baby girl”
and i cried again.. this time in happiness…
the very next day it was prom.. this particular girl whom i had been fighting with becaue of ian suddenly acts all friendly with me.. and i thought nothing of it.. and so.. i said it was okay.. we danced together… in atmosphere…… HEH…..with another girl..
that day..dyuring the prom..ian asked if he could hug her saying that he hasnt talked to her in a long time but only if i let.. which i automatically said no anyway ;p…
Ian got really drunk that night .. he puked all over and i spent the entire night cleaning him up.. he finally fell asleep around 6am in the morning.. and i was worried he would wake up and puke again so i went through his computer chat logs…
and there it was.. the dreaded chat logs with her……..
which i then found out about him not only dancing with her.. and apparently touching her which i later found out when we one day broke up and i asked him about it…*he claims not touching purposely but because they were dancing so close together that they kept touching* and also about the fact that they nearly kissed…….
and in this chat logs they talked not only about that..but also how much they understood each other and how much they needed each other and that only they could both really understand each other or some crap like that.. and that maybe he needed her more than he needed me… and all sort of things like that.. if you really want to know.. the chat logs can be found in my archieves but im not sure when its dated
i slapped him while he was asleep and i called her and fought on the phone with her.. which she just replied.. well HOW I KNOW HE REALLY LIKE ME..its until that day only i know lor! what you expect me to do? dont look for him is it!
“OH SORRY MRS LOW.. IM SORRY I SEDUCED YOUR BF IM SORRY YOUR BF LIKES ME MORE THAN YOU but since you insist so i wont look for him anymore. i wont talk to him i wont be his friend. if that is what you WISH than OK LAR. I WILL DO WHAT YOU WANT. after all. you are MRS LOW mar and you know what’s best.”
but the very next day they were together again.. and we broke up……. marking the longest and worst break ups we’ve ever had…… ever since then.. our relationship has always been on the rocky side…. physical abuse and all sorts of other things.. there were once in a while when we were really happy.. but they usually only lasted a while and things would start up again dued to her appearance..
and yea.. long time story but till this day it still has an effect on our relationship and also the fact this is 1 thing that i really absolutely cannot forget or let go…. at least not at this moment….
