i thought i had cried my tears dry.my eyes are a messy blur of swollen lids and stinging dryness. visions blurred and haunted.

i hoped to wake with you by my side. instead im greeted by a still and deceiving darkness.

im afraid to close my eyes. these constant nightmares flashed throughout the night. why arent you here when i need you most.

why did u go the day i came home?

“im crying” i lied.

i really was i guess but that was before bed.

so much for a lie.

because i cried.

right after the call ended.

isnt it funny sometimes.

expected smiles.

i know my absence stretches so much furthur than yours.

but right now.

you’re gone.

just gone.

and all i want is to be yours.

unmoving.

i lay curl up on my bed.

with a strange sense of uncertainty i took a different route today. it looked cooler on the other side with shadier trees and less people. then it started; rows and rows of flower vendors to my left and my right. such a strange sight it was.

i wondered what day it was. was it a significant date? not in my mind it wasnt. so was it a corean celebration? no it couldnt be. it was only on this street near yonsei university that was crowded with these flower stalls.beautiful roses decked with springes of baby breaths that made my heart wish for a bouquet from some passing stranger.

as i walked through the gate i was greeted by the sight of people everywhere. in the background jason mraz played. happy faces, young and old. it was graduation day for the students of yonsei university. a myriad of expressions and faces. colours blending into one another as hugs and happy chatter were exchanged.

i walked straight into the sea of people. a stranger, a foreigner among them. i could feel their eyes follow my back as i made my way past them. i could hear them think. wondering who i was, whos girlfriend could i be. or perhaps someones sister or even daughter. yet i walked on, alone to somewhere much deeper.

i didnt know how to react. i wasnt happy neither was i sad. it was a different feeling all together. one that i have yet to understand. it felt surreal and it scared me.

i walked on and i saw something that made my heart smile. it was a man of about 70 or perhaps even older in his graduation gown. he stood out from the others. not because of his age but because of his smile. it was not a smile of excitement and joy. instead in its place was a smile of simple contentment. pure and unadulterated.

to his left was his daughter proud and pretty and to his right was his wife joyful and strangely child like. i stood and watched this little family and i was happy for them. genuinely. it was nice to know that there were still families out there who would really support each others dreams and decisions no matter what it was.

and i smiled. a happy smile for the first time today. =)

good bye corea.

hello malaysia.

today is my 2nd last day here and technically it can be considered my last despite the fact that my flight is at 6 (7 malaysian time) … 2 hours before check in. 2 hours to get to the damn airport. and natalie only finishes class at 1. 2 hours for me to pack my bags *O* because i am so last minute like that.

there’s a million things i want to get that i told myself i have so many days left. i’ll come back later to get but now. i dont have timeeeeee T_________T argh argh argh argh.

time passes so quickly here. it’s already my 7th day in corea but it feels like only my 3rd or 4th. but i miss my baby and my pets a lot =( it feels weird not having my dogs lie next to me or waking up to the bfs kisses.. hur hur hur.

and i havent even bought souvenirs for the guys yet!! ISH! what the hell do u buy guys @_@ girls are so much easier to shop for. pfft.

ive concluded that it’s not only the skin care products but the weather and the clean air here @_@ my skins all smooth and nice now but for some strange reason my hair is TOTALLY dying and my eye bags are getting worst by the minute @_@ which is damn weird cuz im sleeping earlier than i usually do in msia and im not oversleeping either *O*

theres so many pretty and cute things i want to buy T___T but but but. ish. i fell in love with a white shar pei yesterday and omfg hes so cheap!! pets here are super duper cheap.. a shar pei in msia would probabaly cost abt 2k or more.. here its only abt 3-400 ringgit!! T_______T i wannnttttt but his air fare is more expensive than mine… wuwuwuw

i was majorly dissapointed yesterday. BBQ chicken in seoul isnt as good as the ones in KL although it originated from corea which is weird. but the skin is really crispy and its a lot cheaper here in a way i guess. but still sad wei T____T in malaysia the original friend chicken has a very strong olive oil taste which makes it feel really fresh and different.. the ones here feel more like they were friend in normal oil and then DIPPED in olive oil just for the scent.. T_____T sighy

haha.. i think you guys have never seen so many words on my blog at one given time before.. its usually flooded with pictures but i cant really upload them since im usually using natalies uni’s computers.. *O*

im sick again =( okay so i was never okay..but from a flu now its turned into a pretty bad cough T___T garh.. lots of phlegm!!

and the words of my cancelled job on sat keeps ringing in my ears. okay not cancelled job the job they very conveniently decided to remove me from due to my height.. ARGHHH!!.. damn geram lar.. i cant get over it. @_@…

i havent done much in seoul. actually what is there to do in seoul anyway @_@. i wanna go to the countryside and jeju island =( but i cannttt… the hostess is having her finals T_______________T sigh. such bad timing it is.

but i love the custom timer function in my cam. ehehhee. u shall see why EVENTUALLY. lol