once again a million things are running through my head. i want to write. emotionally expressively but i am surrounded by people. it distracts me. though i know they cannot read but what would it matter anyway. it’s their presence that makes me such a stranger here.
my period came early this time round. maybe its the pms speaking or perhaps thats whats been triggering my random moods. sullen, quiet and sad.
i cried 4 times yesterday. once when i watched a couple walk by. hands in hands. one head burried in the other’s neck. the 3rd time when we watched prime again. songs so familiar it made my heart sink in its sad demeanour. and the last when you said good bye on the phone. i wonder if u know just how much i really do miss you.
the 2nd time i cried yesterday was the strangest of them all. i saw a shop from a far and as much as i resisted i walked in its direction. it was a shop dedicated to a storybook character. it was a story of a cat who fell in love with a rabbit and they had cabbit babies.
the paintings. they looked so lonely. i could not speak. in the background the saddest happy song played. it was wordless, just a tune like those from the fairytales we frequent. as i walked past the shelves, my hands swept across their surface tears stung my eyes for no apparent reason.
even natalie who would roll her eyes at my usual cute shop fascination stood fixated in the shop and i knew she felt what i had felt. it was strange to be able to connect to these furry animal paintings. the owner of the shop told us stories. he showed us magazines of these precious paintings and the story of the artist and her creation.
it felt good and in some ways comforting. i wanted to bring these paintings home with me but again money was a factor so the owner of the shop gave me their website. i wish i could give it to you now but i dont know why its name appear so foreign in my mind i cant seem to recall the website.
im sorry. my writings a mess. the throngs of people passing by discomforts me.
