over the years i have noticed the one most significant change in me would be my utmost distrust and annoyance towards people.
i started out at this kid who would and could trust anyone and everyone yet never really got on the bad side of it because i grew up learning to be manipulative and sly. i could have been patient with the people around me but i chose to be demanding and aggressive hence being given the term arrogant and lan si. it wasnt because i was generally like that, it was more like a defence mechanism for me. self protected and undependant on those close to me. i took pride in being the one people came crying to. i was the girl that would beat up the guy that made my best friends cry. the head of the pack for quite some time.
and then i started to mellow out choosing to stay within the shadows because people no longer mattered all that much to me. i was in my own world. growing up with betrayals and the occasional need to grow up too fast. and with the latter that was exactly what i did. at the age of 12-13 my childhood was thrown behind me and i was the sort of quiet girl who did what the grown ups did. or so to say.
as the years past, i notice my patience wearing thinner and thinner by the day. and i’ve come to realise, i really barely even trust anyone anymore. a last minute cancellation for someone else would easily put me into a state of utter distress and annoyance and the need to backlash would seem almost impossible to contain. jealousy seems to envelope me. things that never really used to matter now puts me in a frenzy of absolute disbelief.
..i wish i could stop my growing hatred towards humanity…
i want to be that carefree and innocent me…
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