ive been killing myself lately with lack of sleep and an overdose of tired. I should be studying, i shuold also HAVE been studying but instead, i find doing dumb things with the people i love much more endearing.

I want that A but i obviously dont want it enough. The more i think about it the more upset i am that i took this course instead of my original decision to do journalism. I cant believe i let my parents push me that far. Oh well, engineering still does sound interesting but seriously? how much longer is my attention span even going to last me.

i finally got a much needed sleep of almost 8 hours after my 48 hours insanity. i am still very tired. but in about 3 hours time my presence will be expected somewhere i dont even see the point in being. at night, i am still in confusion whether to be there or to stay home and pretend to study which we all know ends up with me on msn being distracted by stupid natalie. pfft.

why am i going to a charity event instead of going to personally meet steve aoki is a freaking mystery. i want to squirm out of this so badly =(

oh god, my eyes cant stay open.

so yesterday after my massive emo attack them boys brought me out to shisha and for the first time in a lonnngg loonnngg time, i got dizzy and high and it lasted for over an hour which resulted in me toppling over and giggling like the deranged child i am.

in the process of this semi drunkened state, i proclaimed very confidently to the boyfriend ” HOR I KNOW WHY I SO FAT AND DULAN AND UNCOMFORTABLE!! I HAVENT SHIT IN A LONG LONG TIME!! but why liddat wan!!! how can a vegetarian suffer from constipation!!! its so wrong!!!”

to which he replied ” this proves there’s something wrong with you and you should go for a check up” to which i sulkily folder my arms sat back down in the car seat and gave him a “hmph”

today.

i ended up in the toilet 3 times and 2 out of those 3 times my shit was so massive it wouldnt go down .____. and no i am not suffering from food poisoning but wth. the irony of me talking about having constipation and then going to the toilet that many times in a day is just so in your face @_@

okay. maybe you didnt need to know that but i had fun telling you anyway so mieh

my heart is in a rapid beat of discomfort and uncertainty. over what, for fucks sake if i even had the slightest clue. it feels like it’s going to pop out of my mouth any moment if, hurled out with the rest of my already malfunctioning innards.

after over an hour of tossing around in bed my eyes are wide open now, every detail seen with a strange clarity one gets from being high. yet the brain is disconnected and studying attempts become futile if not totally a waste of time.

even music does nothing to calm me down and i wonder what the fuck is up with me now.

2.30am edit : this confused state of mine is tearing me apart. anger annoyance frustration, it’s all hitting me at once. it’s like schizophrenia + depression all over again. i want to hit something, break something, be destructive.

maybe it’s the pms talking yet it doesnt seem entirely feasible. the last time i felt this way was after learning what a cheating scum bag my ex actually was and how my closest friend at that time could so nonchalantly hurt me the way she did.

not like anything like that is happening now, but that channeled frustration seems all too familiar. i’ve had enough of self inflicting wounds so what the fuck do i do now then? strange how watching my own hand cut myself can calm me down in almost an instant; but no, not this time, there isnt even a solid reason for my current state of emotions.

my fan is making the most disgustingly disturbing sound and its repetitiveness is driving me insane. it’s in situations like this i think people find it easiest to put a gun to their heads and pull the trigger without hesitation.

if only i had a gun.

if only…

there has been a rather comical discovery much to the bf’s vast amusement. we have discovered that due to my obscenely thick malaysian accent i cannot pronounce words with the letter H embedded in certain areas .____.

the bf does not have this problem because he lived in London as a kid and he still has that somewhat english accent going on though not that prominent as his childhood days or the first time i met him. la la la. i deduce it’s my very strong ginny influences that killed his accent. not intentionally mind you but you know la. malaysian accent so addictive. its unavoidable wan!

here are some examples. what me and apparrently most malaysians end up saying on the right and the original word in bold on the left. (note that if u try to pronounce it after someone tells u ure mistake you may say it right but when u dont notice and speak freely this is what happens “=_=)

Third – Turd
Seth – Sef
Birth – Bert
Thick – Tick
Three – Tree

HOW COULD THIS BE?!?!?! where were those years of barney obsessions and learning how to pronouce the way barney did!! yes people. i love barney the giant purple dinasour so boo to you if you thick he’s stupid >=( because barney is awesome and YOU KNOW IT.

huhuhuh.. interesting discovery no??

and dont tell me can pronounce nicely ah when u say to yourself because your ego would probably stop you from noticing the mistake. wah wth. damn mm kam yun can die.

so ive been bitten and i’ve been bitten hard. lately all i ever feel like doing is lying in bed and doing nothing.

my exams are still on and already im in the holiday mood. how la like this. epic phail.com wei

im hungry but i cant even get my butt out of the house which is new with ginny. hello? its me wei how often do i tell u eh dowan la i damn lazy go out la when it involves yum cha food and my favourite people. something is soooo wrong

ive been eating porridge for the past few days and the taste is so repetitive at home i feel nauseas just looking at it. miehh… dumb throat. i want yee mee and cake .___. this sucks.

go away evil lazy bug. i spent pretty much the entire day in bed today. even typing this “=_= wtf is wrong with me

actually i wanna go out wan but i damn lazy change outta my sleepin clothes but cannot la. damn shy go out of my housing area like thissssssss.. urgh urgh.. getting dressed and putting on clothes is such a chore lately.

mieh.