the brother. not mine

nato!

unagi la

aper lagi?

my fav agedashi tofu

and as always my cold soba

mmmmm

saba love

wtf. crystal so skinny!! DAMN U WOMAN

sze. nat

camwho alert

the golden couple.

watch as sams expression changes

.__.

the girls plus a sesat

the boys

and siapa lagi!

hearing our voice felt good for a while. i remember how i used to only call when i was in tears and how i ran away from his house and you didnt know and started to panic when you found out. you had no idea what to do with me.

it was good until near the end.

when you used all those excuses with me. it reminded me of bitterness and how i hated the way you would tell me you had no money yet find reasons to go far away or do things that required it.times when i wanted you to stay home with me and you would reluctantly agree to and show how annoyed you were.

we were in that place for a long long time.

you being moody and angry at me all the time. you ignoring me. you doing things for me not out of sincerity but for the heck of it. even showing your moods to my friends who all eventually grew afraid of you. i was afraid of you. and yet, i could never speak out.

“ya ya!! i noticed!! he treat u damnnnn nice in perth!! he never treat u like that in kl!! in kl he’s nice but it was never a sincere i love you kind of nice!!”

im amazed at how you would even allow me a to drive out alone at this hour after i told u i hit my car. how i said i didnt want to be in public and you said Mc D.

i am all kinds of hurt right now.

will i be okay tomorrow?

or will i wake up angry and in pain.

i was going to go to class. but i dont feel like it anymore.

and i sit here listening to the songs you downloaded, stare at the screen that once belonged to you. i feel desolated.

all of a sudden, all your missing shirts are appearing in my cupboard. i turn and look at my bed and i see you lying there with that child like grin i had adored. the one i told everyone about when we played truth or dare in Otto’s house.

i want to curl up in your arms. smell that familiar smell and cry to my hearts content. hide in my safe zone. in your posession, safe from harm.

you look happy now. more determined with life. dreams i know you will finally make an effort to reach. you lost yourself when you were with me. i never figured out which side of you had been the real you. and i guess that’s what destroyed it all.

i remeber the image i watched on the mirror. and at this moment i want to run back in time. run to that memory where everything felt so right.

You flew like an angel to me
Then you fell and broke your wings
It was never meant to last
Your were just a ghost from the past

You said that you loved me, you said that you cared
So how could I know I had something to fear
I don’t know where you are, I know that you’re hurt
I should have been able to sense your alert
- Ghost of the Past,Bang Gang

i miss you. i miss you so much right now.

and i hate myself for how i had hurt you so deep.

there have been a few positive continuations since the arrival of your bizarre confession and your proceedings to behave as if it was not at all you who had started the whole messy riff raff. although it is obvious that it has become only messy on my side and it is by no means bothering you or YOUR BUSY schedule at all and i am nothing more to you but of the past.

one being the fact that i finally drove after over 2 years of first getting my license. it was your words that probed at it. words that were said ages ago but somehow made me want to try. “when are you going to drive me around! i dont care man. the next time i’m back in kl im going to call and say ginnnnyyyyyyy i want to eat and you will come and fetch me.” why those words would have any effect on me is beyond my comprehension but fact of the fact is, i finally drove.

the second being that i have unseemingly decided that i will at least attempt to go for classes and graduate with pretty decent results in order to get to you. admittedly i am still skimping classes but i no longer use lack of transportation as an excuse and have successfully gone for more than 2 days of classes in a week. my lack of attendance in moral studies is starting to prove to be rather perplexing as i think i have been barred but have yet to be told. i am fearful that i will have to go through the whole rubbish course again. this is very disheartening because it takes me one step furthur away from you. that and the fact that my lecturer is homophobic which does not at all amuse me one bit.

the third being that during working hours time passes faster because i am so preoccupied with the words MUST MAKE MORE MONEY TO GO THERE. not that i have that many jobs but so far whatever has come my way had not been as bad as i had anticipated. and my accounts are not dwindling away as quickly as they used to. in fact i have just about enough for a trip there when i feel like it. or so i would like to think.

and the fourth. i have started to read again. a trait i had lost long ago. i am now able to go through about 3-400 pages in a day unlike the previous months where after 10 pages or so i would get distracted by something else. although this may not neccesarilly be a silver lining as it means i will end up spending money on books which i deem are getting more and more expensive by the day. nope. not good. not good at all.

had a list of other things to rattle on about but my eyes are tired. so good day to you too.

stolen from Firdy. awesome shit.

Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli on Vimeo.