it’s been unusually quiet today. i feel so blank. the same lost lonely feeling since i woke up until now. thats over 6 hours. not even lunch with the monkeys of hypertune cheered me up. forced myself to finish my noodles today. it was a small plate but it was really good. i feel sick now though.
today i had my first mini accident.
i went up the touch and go curb and hit something. my door dented inwards and i couldnt open it. but it’s fine now. still dented and needs a new paint job. but nothing to serious. it was a funny incident. but thinking about it now. i had been so unfocused i hadnt even realised what had happened until i felt the impact.
you’ve got me so wrapped up in self delusion i’m loosing focus in everything i do. someone asked why i was so quiet 2 days ago. yesterday someone else said it’s weird being around me. i asked why. he answered because i barely say anything and i keep spacing out contrary to how i usually am. and all those times i had been thinking about you.
you you you. its always about you. why? how did my defence crumble so easily. how DID I even let u in just like that? unfathomable. even for me.
my spacing out periods have gotten longer and more frequent. todays accident had been one of those times.
i’m losing myself.
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