Did you look out the window and watch the sky this evening? Watch as lightning struck in between the changing hues of a magnificent orange and a pale blue. It’s gone dark now but you can still hear the growl and rumble of thunder in the distant; strong, defiant, impulsive, like you.
sometimes i wish i could just sit out somewhere with you. hold your hand and lean my head on your shoulders and stare at the passing scene without a single care in the world. Such is the simple need, simple wants that brings out the happiness buried in me. but it’s never that simple is it? we’ll never get to that stage. it was never that kind of a relationship to begin with and it probably never will be because it was not what you had intended when you first kissed me.
“no promises” you said and laughingly i nodded and said yes. i don’t remember ever making promises that much, promised commitments and such were never things spoken out from the heart. “no expectations” you added. we both know that’s a lie. everything done, everything said. behind every word there will always be a form of expectation. an expectation in the form of an answer, a reaction and a subsequent desire. expectations come in different forms different patterns but exists all the same.
there’s something you’ve been trying to get me to understand. how not every relationship has to exist in ownership but what you don’t seem to realise is i do understand. i just choose not to live by it. as irrational as i always seem to be, i am driven by logic. i detest things that make no sense and revel in the satisfaction of finding an answer to every question. how one thing will lead to another and how everything is connected in this messy overrated world. my mind works in sequences and frames. structured in a way that defies how one normally perceives me.
and like every passing day i tell someone how everything is fine and it doesn’t matter that i am nothing to you but a mere passing toy, this lie gets bigger and this artificial smile becomes a permanent fixture paired to my betraying eyes.
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