walking along this path i feel myself slip away into this endless maze of masked emotions.

“is your friend ginny okay? why does she look so disturbed…”  this was said by someone in Singapore on a day i thought myself to be happy. yet it seems even my happiness exudes an unsettling air of undefined feelings. it feels almost like im fading away, unable to even tell apart my moods and emotions. so who am i now really?

day by day, it becomes easier to cry for you with every reason not to.

“i think you are good for him. it’s funny really, you’re totally not his usual type. i mean i’ve seen all his exes and you’re the only one i actually talk to or hang out with…” those words mean so much to me yet it brings almost no meaning. i am and will always be nobody really worth keeping in his eyes yet there i continue to stand, adhering to him like i actually meant something. 

i’m sorry for all the anger i’ve caused. the frustration and annoyance i’ve put you through but know that everything i do, i do it for the sake of being just that little bit closer to you.

staring at the ceiling last night, you asked me to say those words i didn’t mean. i couldn’t. i couldn’t bring myself to lie that night. i tried to tell you the truth, of how i came because i wanted to see you and how i missed you.instead, your rough words and overwhelming presence made me choke back my words and so i lay there quiet as tears rolled down the side of my face oblivious to you. you that towered above me yet refused to look me in the eyes.

i am stupid.and indeed, i know this well.

*picture by Kevin Han. Colour editting self*