The Internet Is Dead @ 9.08 p.m

And has been for an almost hellish one week. I am now typing this in word, agitated and annoyed. Seems to me that I have somehow developed a rather bad rash all over my thighs after a fever that nearly knocked me out senseless yesterday. Good gawd, what else could possible go wrong now? Oh right, im having weird period bleeds again. If it’s even my period at all. Pfft. Then again I guess it should be considering the amount of emotions that are rocketing through me or have been spiraling out of control from me the past 2 days. Damn this PMS shit.

 I am not suppose to develop feelings or any sense of attachment to you. I am not I am not. And like u said why the hell am I so defensive when im with you well good job my friend, I think u have poked a hole in my damn concrete wall. Which u blatantly very kindly insisted you would help me build back 2 nights ago. Is that why you don’t call or reply my smses that often anymore?? ARGH!! Must detach myself. Must detach myself before I get pulled into this rubbish abyss of complicated heart play.

 Am I that weak? Am I really that incapable of flings? I hate how vulnerable I feel right now. I hate how you say talk to you later k the same way he does. I hate how the first thing u cooked for me was soup the same way he did. I hate so many things but I hate myself the most. You told me not to let myself get attached. I told myself not to get attached. Well good job princess ginny, look where you’ve landed yourself again this time. Hoorah! All hail the queen of stupidity; me!

 DAMN THIS ITCH. DAMN THIS PMS. DAMN MY STUPIDITY!

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found this on my desktop. something i recalled writing yet never got around to posting. why? i dont really know why. but it’s amazing, because ive barely seen you since i came back from Singapore which was well over 2 weeks ago and im still capable of feeling the same way you always made me feel. and still you play these games with me.

your words 2 nights ago keep ringing in my head, the way you looked at me in the lift and while i ate yet made no move to touch me, at least not until you were about to get out of the car. how you called me 3-4 times yesterday and talked to me in that soft tone you almost never used on me.

i miss you and i wish it would stop because i know with every word about you on my blog, i’m hurting someone else who’s worth so much more. you make me detest myself, hate myself because i am now everything i scorn.

“live in the moment” 2 people have said this to me. but what happens when that moment could potentially destroy the peaceful lives of 2 people you care dearly about? do you push yourself away and walk, sacrificing yourself or do you let it flow without a second thought?