2012 was a bad movie for me. boring and draggy and so unbearably predictable with scenes much too familiar for one who used to stalk the cinema lines 3-4 times a week in the past. yet one thing kept bugging me and it was the whole parent kid connection thing.

over the past 2 months i have had the honour of meeting one 9 year old that made my heart twitch in affections im not entirely familiar with. i never really did like kids that much once they passed the 7 year old phase, naughty destructive and overly irritating. yeah i get along with them fine but for me to really sit there and bond with them proved to be an almost impossible task for me or maybe it was because i never really had the oppurtunity of a large amount of time for attachment.

i have spent only 2 or was it 3 weekends with this one and on the last weekend, neither one of us expected it to actually be the last in a long time. the things he’s told me the things i’ve shared with him and the anger i felt when he told me the problems he was going through. i cared so much for him i was damn near tempted to march into his school and tell off the dim wits that were messing around with him.

i remember his best friends names, though each week he told me a new one because it’s easy for kids to trust and let go. and how i promised to take him and his best friends out for a movie or ice cream. there was a time he wasnt feeling too well and got upset at me because i wouldnt stay over in his room, the look he gave me almost killed me and i really dint know how else to react but to tell him hey it’s okay, i’ll see you later all right?

the last time i really saw him, it was a sunday morning and he had been awake waiting for me to get up and play wih him. out of nowhere he came up to me and gave me a hug before telling me “you know! i like you a lot right!! and i treat you as my friend! i want to be friends with you!! i hate ***** and so does ***!”  and i din’t know whether to laugh or cry. right now i want to cry, because it feels like i’ve made myself disappear from his life the very moment he told me how important i was…

i missed his birthday because i had been playing games on facebook and ended up getting caught in a jam. i made him cookies and cupcakes that he never got but he called me on the phone to tell me thank you anyway. it feels good to have someone that young call you to tell you thank you and tell you about his day.

and that was the last time i ever heard his voice.

and i know, if i had been him; i would hate me right now. why? im not sure. but it’s just a hunch that breaks my heart.