the night sky is just the right shade of navy blue almost black. dotted with stars and a few moving cotton like clouds, the breeze rustles the leaves and the sound of crickets along with the magnetic sound of flowing water breaks me. it’s the perfect kind of weather and time to hold your hand. to walk hudled by your side, finally edging under your arm and wrapping myself like a rope around your ever warm body. yet it’s rarely ever that simple isnt it.?

it never occured to me how lonely a drive home from your place back to mine could be sometimes. today it hit me hard. and it proved unsurprising when the tears trickled down my cheeks as some of my favourite love songs played on radio this hour.

i have always been that little princess who believed in fairytales and happily ever afters. ironically, i grew up cynical and skeptical of all things even related to these words.

…

sometimes i feel like chucking you into a bag and running away somewhere. to have you alone for just a few days, away from everyone else, obligations, responsibilities and every little phone call that comes along. promises of holidays and getaways but deep down inside i can’t help but feel absolutely desolute of all hope towards that. call it a hunch i guess, but the truth is i’ve already stopped believing everytime you say let’s go somewhere.

more than that, sometimes i wished you would talk to me the way you still do to her. it isn’t about jealousy. just a painful  reminder of how i will never ever be as important to you as her.

…

tonight i wanted to be nowhere else but safe in your arms.

tonight i had no choice but to go home.

tonight i miss you more than i have ever had.

and tonight i will cry myself asleep alone in bed.

…

isnt it weird how you never really feel such loneliness until you’re attached. when we’re single, we tend to get lonely yet it just isnt the same. it feels impossible to channel it anywhere and you know you’re missing something and someone yet it’s always a mystery because your head will just draw a blank. yet once you fall in love, just a little good bye and a few hours or a day of seperation can drive a person almost insane.

perhaps i still am that princess that believes in fairytales and happily ever afters.

and maybe that’s something i really need to stop.

grow up baby girl, you heart can’t handle it no more.