So thinking nothing could possibly get worst today, I woke up with a very very mild fever. Big deal, that wasn’t going to stop me from screaming like the pansy fan girl I was at stereophonics tonight. Oblivious to the later events that would soon follow, I went about my daily lazy chores of rolling around the bed and twitter stalking.

At approximately lunch time, my date for the day cancelled on me due to family commitments. STRIKE 2. This was the 2nd time someone ffked me in the span of 24 hours. Panic stricken, I asked around hoping someone would agree to a free ticket on condition that they picked me up and sent me home due to my woozy inability to drive.

A savior in the form of a once long haired boy called yatz took up my offer and I started to relax. So very relax I fell asleep immediately after gorging myself on some corean noodles and a jambu.

A message came in and it was yatz. His car was in the workshop. We had to take my car. Okay, small problem. Driving to get him and switching drivers wasn’t going to kill me right? Or so I thought until I realised there was something very wrong with my body and temperature.

My whole body was aching and I could barely even walk straight. My mild fever had also escalated and yet I was still shivering under the comforters WITH the air conditioning turned OFF. Ranted to the bf and he came home and brought me to a doctor.

I was almost 39 degrees and hence forbidden from attending the concert. Le sigh. In the end I gave yatz my pair of tickets rather than have it be sad and useless at home. Go forth and enjoy the legend that is stereophonics people T_T I doubt they will ever come down again *cries in corner*

And now melting and freezing to death at the same time, I am struck with a horrible craving for desserts. I am not at all hungry but I can imagine that soft spongy texture of just heavenly’s red velvet cake, the soft explosive taste of fruit tarts and durian rolls and that light fluffy melt in your mouth sensation of alexis’ berry pavlova T_T

Why?! Why the horrible craving for desserts that are currently not within my reach?! This torture must be retribution for some large sin I’ve commited in my past. Sigh. Nothing else can explain this sad tragedy that is to have a high fever, miss the concert I’ve been waiting weeks for and an unachievable dessert craving to be satisfied U_U wuwuwuw.

Woe is me!

About a month or 2 ago, or perhaps even longer. You had made me a promise that I doubted the moment it came out of your mouth. Still you insisted and after much persuasion I finally relented. I believed you.

For a long time since I was a kid, Wednesday had always been a hated day. I don’t really remember the reason any more but it was the skipping of Wednesdays in school that started my streak of hooky playing. I do however remember that it was somehow associated with my dad for what reason now, I really can’t seem to recall.

I spent much of my life crying or running away from things on a Wednesday. Maybe the day itself just hated me as a whole. The blame game again is what you’re probably thinking. So maybe it is just that but me and Wednesday, we just never had much good history.

So your promise had been an almost remedy to that. Wednesday would have been a day I finally started looking forward to in the middle of your very busy week. For you see, what you had promised me required much will and determination from your side. One that caused my smirk in the first place.

“I promise I’ll come back early every Wednesday from now on.” Why Wednesday I asked, remembering my rather quaint ‘affinity’ with it. Your answer had been simple and clear cut. “Because Wednesday is in the middle of the weekday so it balances out my time spent with you from the lack of time of the other days.” How much I smiled after all your sweet talk and attempted promise thinking that finally the Wednesday curse would finally go away.

I’m not sure you ever stuck to that promise because I remember a lot of Wednesdays where you weren’t even here. And I am left alone at home wondering what I should eat because you were elsewhere having dinner without me by your side. The excuse had always been “its a family thing la, all guys or it’s work. The office is celebrating something and I’ll be back soon.” Your soon was never soon.

Many days I sat curled up on the couch not really watching but counting down to midnight instead. The day I remember the most was that week I was sick, and had only 2 apples the whole day. When you finally got home you sat on the couch for a while and went up to shower. The next thing I know, I found you fast asleep on the bed. That night, I almost went home. I felt a strange repulsion towards you and felt my heart loosen it’s grip.

And to be honest, ever since that night, holding you has felt somewhat awkward. And it’s a new Wednesday where once again I am left standing alone with 2 tickets I got especially for you for a movie you had been waiting for since you watched the first one come out.

And I’m stuck with the decision of whether to laugh or to cry.

(edit: wtf. okay i change that line. tickets to a concert because i returned the movie tickets forgetting i had a concert to attend. stereophonics baybeh! XS)

erm yah. despite it being levi li’s thingie because it was so long ago i dont remember what it was for. and also i didnt take pics of her because that woman damn busy that day. lol.

yah yah i know my pics and caption still very hard to see but i have someone working on it okay T___T what to do my debugger so busy. pfft. and im rarely at the comp nowadays also U_U not that i think i can figure this one out. HUR HUR HUR

the prized guest book!

wooo. drama light shining in!

sorry la. i memang damn lan c wan. wtf

i like pics that show how brown my eyes are =D

Tj! almost looks like his old self here. lol. if u have all seen his student id you will know this story

cw

er nth in particular. just like the cupboard thing. lol

pretty green lights *o*

=X

Dj Edmund The Pilot Being i dont know what .__.

guess who!

Romel lah!

HAHAHHA LOOK LIKE GOT GIANT WORM WRIGGLING OUT OF HIS NOSE!!

Ernest!

romeh and ernest!

Djs for the night =)

Tim and his friend whos name i forgot

jocelyn and unknown girl. wtf

more strange pictures of edmund =X

a not so strange but nth special pic.

tim again

hahah because chee keong looks retarded. la la la

i dont know why but i suddenly forgot his name =X wtf. and natalie fong

red eyed me and red dress her

the white tofu man!

and iz tim again!

I was afraid to look at you that day. Afraid i would see the truth in your words, feel my world spin out of its axis knowing that i never even had a chance to have made a tiny little space at the back of your heart. Afraid, that i had made a fool of myself yet again, believing i had made the right choice in never walking away. Yet i did it still, stole glances from that face i woke up to almost every day for the past 5 months. It was a mistake. Looking at the face i slowly learnt to love confirmed all my fears. Every look i saw spoke only of the truth and i felt my heart clench and the tears did nothing but fall.

I sat crying in the car, fumbling with my phone desperately waiting for a call or a message telling me that it wasnt true. That it had been a lie. That i was somebody important in your life. It never came. Not even later through the night. It really has been a while since my tear glands were last put to so much use. It’s almost comical really. Even then i kept making excuses to stay in the area hoping you would come. Why is it that despite all the emotional pains i have subjected myself to, i just never seem to learn?  Why do i still continue believing in fairytales and rainbows, so desperate for a happy end.

There was once, on cloudy afternoon somewhere in the month of February,  i lay lazily on your the right side of your shoulder . We had a heart to heart pillow talk. The way best friends often do. And you asked me about him and why i let him do the things he did to me. And i explained to you, the reason i stood by what i did in the past was because i felt his need for me to be there for him. This remained true, for u as well. And as often as we fought, i had always felt you silently telling me not to leave even if you say you never did.

This time, it wasn’t there.

And for the first time since it started, i have never felt more confused or at a loss of a decision to make. The fact stands there, the obvious is right there.

Because the dumbest thing to do in any relationship is to hold on to someone that doesnt want to be held on to.

Yet, i dont know just how to let go and still i frantically grasp at that non existant hand.