It is easy to say and believe that events act in pairs and in direct opposites. And how happiness is always paired along with sadness in the balance of all natural things.
No surprise why one would choose a mundane life of constant peace rather than to be faced with the pains that would come after those short eruptions of utter bliss. Yet, the moment these spurs of euphoria occurs we realise how we often keep longing for more, making it just so hard to remain being in that constant balanced phase. Boredom hits and it can hit hard.
Still, as accepting as we are of this paired force rule, it still comes as a shock everytime the sorrow hits.
Every SINGLE time. I still break with as much grief as before and every single time, reality becomes just that much closer to nightmares.
A long time ago, I had somehow reached a state of total numbness. My mind had remained blank, completely void of anything. I felt neither joy nor sorrow and ceased to stop feeling. In a sense, I had been in a coma of some sort; only I was fully awake. I spent days in my room staring out the window just sitting quietly on my bed. Food became tasteless and so I stopped even that. I saw only my dogs and talked to no one unless I was spoken to. Time held no meaning and days passed unnoticed as I turned into a breathing puppet that sat solemnly in place all day long.
I died that year in 2004.
And somehow it feels like I’m taking steps back into that path the more I let myself fall.
How long before I stop feeling again? How long before I am numb and stripped to the bare shells of an empty child once more. Because I see it right there, that shadow of my long lost self.
Live reply