Waking up with that horrible feeling of emptiness becomes the sign of the coming days. Till now I never understood how it was humanly possible to feel like having your heart beat painfully at the back of your throat yet there is really no other way to explain that suffocating feeling of nursing a broken heart.

So little a thing that could cause such a mess and strip me of my sleep and rob me of my tears. Nauseating. This tired delirium makes me want to hurt myself, watch myself bleed just to take my mind of things. Secretly, I never got over that phase in my life. I just resisted, unable to bring myself to that level again after all the promises I have made to those that have constantly stood by my side. I love these people more than I would ever love myself. And they are all I hold on to.

In my mind, I constantly see the temptations of speeding cars and a sirens wail. A blackout drenched in thickened red, broken glass and scrap metal heaps. It is a temptation disgusting to many and I’m always left wondering; what happened to that happy child that had so much confidence and love in herself?

I see myself as insignificant in this lifetime. A mere parasite that holds no purpose. And day by day, I become more self conscious of this fact and shrink deeper and deeper into self seclusion and loathing,losing every speck of self respect and confidence that I have left.

Love really is heaven and hell.