listen to the pounding of my heart, that hollow resonating sound that fills nothing. the malfunction of a very confused brain, it stirs and whirs causing an instantaneous parade of uncoordinated movements and spams of the body.
unfocused.
im worried.
i dont want to cry. i dont want to speculate.
but time passes by, ticks by slowly as the digits move inch by inch taunting my already delusional state of mind.
where are you? did something happen? are you okay?
i want to be there. be there with you. hold you and whisper sweet nothings buried in our white sheets of our not so little bed.
and then i am torn.
am i really needed here? she sends me a message and i say i’ll be home. im home. they’ve seen me and then they’ve left. what else is there for me to do here if not to let guilt eat the remains of me. i know you need me now, and i know i would need you too if circumstances had placed itself that way with me. so why am i hesitant? am i worried about what they will say or am i worried about disobeying you’?
because right now, i’d really rather be there with you.
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