Sometimes I wish we never started so quickly. A bigger time frame as friends to hopefully see each other in a more appropriate light. To notice each others habits and behavior for a time as we learn to grow into a much deeper bond of friendship. That way, we’d stop questioning each other or assuming so much of each other in the later stages of our acquaintance.

We never had that. It was a leap, eyes closed, straight into this. This messy uncertain relationship that makes way for so much insecurities and doubts of emotional disaster.

I am no better. Really, I’m not. I fear relationships and commitment so much more than you would possibly believe. How wounded my trust level really is and how wary I really am every time I step into another chapter with someone so new. Constantly I question myself, question how much more my fragile broken heart can really take. That once innocent piece of muscle beating strong and hopeful, over the years has been reduced to cracks and missing pieces taped back into place by old sticky tape. Such is the sad state I’m really in.

And this my dear,
Is my confession to you.

I am more afraid, so much more afraid of my own broken heart than what I have led you to believe.

And I almost never fully trust, the one that holds my heart, not without a lot of time and patience from the other party and his own heart.

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