For days I had been hoping it would rain. A long hard heavy rain to cool the hot humid air of the night and to somehow drive the mosquitoes away from us for a while. Those horrible winged insects that have been a big pain to us all causing an itch and scars that remain a reminder of how fragile we really are.

Its raining and the air has a chill that is somehow rare. Only, I am in the wrong house tonight for this to have happened.

The wind is howling with a mad fury and the leaves and branches of the trees outside my window are shaking and swaying in a very unsettling manner. It is chaotic and confusing and my returned gift of sight allows for this phenomenon to appear much more upsetting than it should truly be. It looks as if the trees were trying with great desperation to uproot themselves and run away with the wind but their inability to do so has caused them to flay themselves about upset and very very angry.

The thought of death has appeared various times as a topic for the past few days. Not from me in case I’ve got you worried. Still, it is not a pleasant topic and it felt strange to drive past the same funeral 3 times last night and be told that there had been a couple of other funerals around the same area the past weeks or so. Especially when I’ve been carrying this melancholic mood with me the entire day.

There was the sound of an ambulance in the distance a while ago. Paired with the crazed wind and the angry dance of the branches, it felt like a nightmare that I thankfully was not a part of. Still, in a way I had somehow bore witness to the tragedy that had happened. For the irony of the ambulance to come speeding past close enough for me to hear in this dead hour of the night proved its unfocused point.

The rain has stopped. So much quicker than what I had anticipated and with it, so has the wind. It is quiet now. Quiet to a point of discomfort for me.

I can still see the branches and leaves dancing but I can no longer hear the howl of the fast flowing wind. A flash of lightning without a trace of a sound and I swear, it feels almost like I really am the one that’s dead.

Maybe that’s it.

Maybe that’s what I really am all this while.

No longer even alive.

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