Now hold your horses and stop your blushing! I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING and it ain’t that. Then again, maybe it is in a cheeky little way perhaps *grins.*

Who knows?

Why not let your imagination and my not so little story play a game with you and your senses as it unfolds itself word by word drawing vivid pictures in the back of your head, stroking and caressing the inner thoughts of that “innocent little mind” of yours.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She blinks as the early rays of the sun shines through the window and dances across the soft curves of her body and face, illuminating everything around and awakening her from her sleep. And so Elivenas found herself in a room unfamiliar, clothed only in a men’s shirt that seemed almost perfectly made for her. The sheets on the generously sized bed a startling white in contrast with her messy dark raven hair and the tinted Asian colour of her bare legs. She remembers nothing yet a lingering scent of a man’s cologne she knows yet cannot place stirs her and she flushes a deep red embarrassed at the thought of what might have happened the night before. This was the first time Elivenas had ever found herself in such a compromising situation. So unexpected that even the thought of it made her groan out loud in desperate frustration.

He sees her blush and the sight of her so vulnerable causes him to sigh and catch his breath in hungry desire. “She’s beautiful,” Laven whispers to no one as he watches her rise from the bed, observing her for a brief moment more before disappearing through that tiny gap of the the door hidden within the shadows of the curtains and walls.

Elivenas got up and took a casual look around, surprising herself at what she sees in an almost empty cupboard in the corner of the room. Inside there is nothing but her clothes, some towels and a bikini laid out nicely in piles. Shaking her head in confusion, she makes her way to the adjoining bathroom where under the harsh light she is startled by the sight of her once dry and flaking skin, now much softer and smoother than before. She touches herself all over, reveling in the lovely but strange texture of her delicate skin that now glows ethereal like around her.

She smiles at her reflection in the mirror and then starts to frown.

She knows she should be worried instead of happy but for some reason her heart reassures her with its slow rhythmic beats, consoling her and persuading her that everything really isn’t as bad as it seems. She opens a shelf near the shower and finds all the necessities she needs; the usual toiletries all unused and something else that catches her eyes, a pink bottle she doesn’t recognise. She picks it up and on it were the words ” Vaseline Healthy White – helps match your body’s dark skin areas to your light ones.”  Elivenas shrugged her shoulders at her discovery before letting out a little laugh at the realization of how much this brand of body lotion resembled her own name and without hesitation she started applying it all over herself delighting in it’s lightness and fresh soothing smell.

After much thought, Elivenas got dressed in her swimwear and braved herself before headed outside, tempted by the warmth and the lure of the glorious sun. “Afterall, why waste the moment when there’s a pool right outside the bedroom’s sliding doors with such a brilliant patio decked in such comfortable looking lounge chairs?” she reasoned with herself.

The weather was perfect.

And so Elivenas took a dive into the shimmering blue waters, closed her eyes and felt herself begin to calm.

Laven remembered the first time he saw her.

He had tried talking to her, only to have her proud and arrogant face smirk in mild acknowledgment. Still, he could not tear himself away. She wore a flirty white dress and sat across the pool reading a book under the shade of an umbrella oblivious to his presence. As the day wore on, his eyes never left her as he willed her to remove her dress and come into the pool. An hour passed and he noticed that she had somehow fallen asleep. An idea struck him and quietly he swam to her side where he splashed her and quickly swam sheepishly aside.

He hated himself for how childishly he had acted and prayed with all his might that she would not find out it was him as he continued watching from afar. He had not been very successful as his fear had caused him to react much too carelessly. Only her feet had been hit by the sprays of water but for some reason that did the trick.

Elivenas let out a tired yawn before taking of her dress, revealing an exotic bikini so tight that it looked almost like her own skin and made her way to the standing showers.

Laven watched mesmerized as the clear liquid flowed down almost obscenely over the long gentle slope of her neck and soft crests of her breast. Droplets of water dripped off, appearing like tiny crystal around her and he felt himself gawk at the scene before him.

Elivenas flinched in pain under the cold shower not realizing that her nap had caused her skin to burn. She turned the shower off and retreated back to her chair much to the disappointment of her silent audience.

The pain on her face had become apparent and as his eyes searched her almost naked body, he saw it. The raw patch of skin, an angry red stared menacingly back at him. Without thinking, he ran to his own villa and reappeared a moment later clutching a green bottle with the words “Vaseline Aloe Fresh – hydrates and refreshes skin.”

Now you see, Elivenas never saw the words on the bottle. All she remembered was this frenzied man that had tried chatting her up much earlier, now with a look of pure concern and panic etched across his boyish face. Words exchanged, Laven felt himself blush as he gently rubbed his palm over her back with his lotion, tracing her contours and she felt herself begin to get moist in more ways than just one from the touch of this adorable stranger.

Laven crept quietly back into the room as not to disturb Elivenas from her swim. He sat on the bed and watched as her now tan back faced him, waiting for the moment she would turn her head and notice him sitting there. It felt like time was standing still and every minute felt like hours as every movement she made caused him to tense, afraid of what she would think when she finally saw him. He had after all slid in and out of the room without a word and he wasn’t even sure if she remembered what had happened and why she had woken up there in his clothes. Hell, even he wasn’t entirely sure what had happened exactly. They had gone out for dinner and drinks and the next thing he knew, he had brought her back to one of his investment homes where things were going much smoother than he had anticipated until there was a sudden turn of events that caused quite a lot of confusion .

Elivenas had started complaining about her dry skin and some body aches that had been recurring as they lay side by side on the living room floor talking. Laven offered to give her a massage and they had moved into the bedroom where it was more comfortable.  He told her to lie face down on the bed and take off as much of her clothing as she felt comfortable with while he prepared the candles and scented oils to help set the mood.

Laven’s strong strokes were gentle but firm and felt like absolute magic on Elivenas aching body. As his rhythm became more constant, she felt herself moan in absolute bliss amazed at what this man could do with just his hands. No man had ever touched her that way before and she felt herself melt like butter from his massage. Laven noticed that her skin was indeed unusually dry and after the massage told her to remain as she was as it would only take him a minute. He remembered that he had a yellow bottle of body lotion somewhere in the house and went to retrieve it. After rummaging around, he finally found what he was looking for; “Vaseline Total Moisture – 10x more moisture,” perfect he thought.

Laven returned to Elivenas and repeated his massage techniques using the lotion instead of the massage oils. Elivenas felt so good, she felt herself drift off to sleep. Laven thought nothing of it and decided to sleep in another room uncertain of how she would feel if she woke up next to him especially considering that she wasnt exactly dressed. He didn’t want to appear to be taking advantage of her although the massage was secretly quite a pleasurable experience for him seeing as he was able to touch her so intimately without appearing too direct.

Suddenly he heard her scream and he ran back to where she was. Elivenas had sleep walked and was for some reason screaming and crying in a heap on the floor. Laven tried to wake her up but she only got worst before finally quieting down. Despite that, she would not wake up and mumbled something about leaving her alone and the cold. He did the only thing he could think of at that time, he dressed her in one of his shirts and tucked her back into bed where he ended up passing out as well.

The next morning, Laven woke up completely disorientated and was even more surprised to find that he had fallen asleep next to Elivenas. He didn’t even remember lying down next to her what more falling asleep in the same bed. Elivenas started to stir and in panic, Laven made a dash for the door where in it’s shadows he watch as his little jewel finally opened her eyes and from the confused look on her face figured that she really did not remember at all where she was or what had happened.

With a swift turn of her head, Elivenas finally caught sight of Laven sitting on the bed. She let out a laugh of delighted surprise as his face brought back an instant refresh of the night before and smiled, blushing slightly pink from her obvious crush and feeling completely stupid for thinking that she was in a strange place with no memory of the night.

Relief flooded through Laven the moment he saw Elivenas’ shy sweet smile and from the back of his hand produced another bottle of lotion. This time a white bottle, “Vaseline Intensive Rescue – Hypoallergenic and Unscented for Very Dry Skin.” “Figured you might want this one instead since you were saying how dry your skin was,” Laven told Elivenas with that sheepish smile she fondly recognised from weeks ago. Elivenas laughed again, this time at his little gesture and made her way back into the room. She apologised for falling asleep through his massage and Laven noticed that she clearly did not remember anything else after that. He decided not to say anything.

Elivenas cleaned herself up in the shower and got dressed back into Lavens shirt before sitting herself comfortably on his bed and stuck out her legs. Her eyes sparkled teasingly as she held the new bottle of lotion in her hands and waiting for Laven to get the hint.

It didn’t take long for Laven to realise what she wanted and as he moved his hands along her legs, spreading the lotion evenly along, he whispered “Are you moist enough?” before pressing his lips hungrily across hers the moment she let out a little giggle which soon became breathless gasps.

Time: 12.50pm

Its hard not to believe in love, to believe in a feeling that lasts you a lifetime.

On a plane ride I sat crying, buried under the blankets of the gloomiest shades of purple and grey. They were not an expression of sadness but an overwhelming sense of realisation at how much of a sappy romantic baby I really am. And all it took was a movie, a sweet little movie that reminded me of what I had somehow forgotten.

I miss you. Like a flower misses the sunlight on a dark cloudy day.

We grow up and are taught as well as encouraged to learn how to be mature, to learn how to live separate lives instead of a constant need for each other. Reality forces us into that well-rounded understanding relationship in order to survive any storm that may hit yet too often, in the journey of learning to be more adaptive to each other’s more complex lives, we lose something very important; the ability to distinguish the spontaneity of love from the shallow safety and constant reassurance of dependency and responsibility.

Perhaps it is that inner child that speaks so immaturely but a part in that movie made so much sense to me. Or maybe I am just too gullible, believing in that storybook lie of a kind of love that doesn’t completely exist. ” We go on a holiday and we are off doing our own things..but I don’t mind… And I don’t mind either…but that’s just it!…We’re separated doing our own things and we don’t mind…We’re suppose to want to be together, to miss each other…”

A long time ago, it was said that distance would make a couple miss each other and want each other more but these days, the distance works the opposite and I never understood why. How does a love just fade? How do we just forget? Even in our daily lives we often get so caught up in our busy schedules that in that frenzy of everything, we forget. We forget that there is someone very important in our lives just a little sms or phone call away, we forget about the time and no longer notice how long we’ve been apart and most of all, we forget that wrenching discomfort in our hearts knowing that our love isn’t by our side.

Through all this forgetfulness, it really isn’t a wonder as to why distances end up breaking a couple more these days rather than to help it grow as the effort eventually becomes such a chore. Gone are the days of awaiting sweet hand written letters that serve as a reminder of that dull ache in our hearts or the belief of surprising each other with little gestures that appear out of the norm. Are careers and material things really so much more important? Why do we stop trying to remind our other halves of these little things and allow the love to grow stagnant and easily forgotten?

Because these little surprises once in a while becomes memories that will cause that annoying trigger of miss and I kinda like that horrid feeling. That painful grip that makes me cry and pine for my lover to be back at my side. Its a disgusting play of love and hate but it reminds me how much I am still capable of loving that person even when right now we’re miles apart. Perhaps it is only a temporary feeling, a fleeting discomfort and reminder that will eventually disappear. But it really doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter where it goes or what will happen, what matters is that we remember to live in that present because compared to a million other living things; the trees and the deep sea fishes, we really don’t have all that much time to live or enjoy each other’s love and company.

Right now my heart is doing that uneasy wrestling and it is reminding me of simply this.

I miss you.

And I love you.

And I wish I was right there next to you.

(8.08pm edit : I wish you were here =( you would so love the weather and everything now. Sigh.)

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Almost a year ago, a girl who fell easily in love yet denied every one bonded with a girl who rarely fell in love yet believed too much in its allure. Let us call them Denial and Hopeless respectively. A story that remained a joke between them had always been the story of the light at the end of the tunnel and the wall that stood in it’s way. For you see, Hopeless had found herself in that position knowing the outcome of her blind pursuit of that sunlight through the tunnel with it’s brick wall. Denial, who watch her friend Hopeless react so recklessly shook her head and tried her best to talk her out of it to no avail.

In the months that came, others saw the wall that Hopeless was running towards and tried to pull her back but nobody could hold the reins of the stubborn and wild horse Hopeless really was. One day, Hopeless had finally reached the wall that stood at the end of the tunnel. And yet the playful rays of sunlight made its way through the cracks and danced around her in it’s teasing delightful ways. Hopeless seeing this light refused to let go of her pursuit and rammed herself against the wall over and over again.

As the months passed, the wall had magically gotten tougher despites Hopeless’ hard headed attempts at breaking it down. As Hopeless wept in her exhaustion, she often found herself falling asleep and a pair of cheeky brothers called Defence and Past would often sneak around Hopeless and took every opportunity of her sleep to layer more bricks in, cement the cracks and plant creepers that bore thorns.

The sunlight on the other side of the wall found itself tired as well as angry that it had to continue shining day in and day out to attract the attention of Hopeless. Sunlight had waited months for Hopeless to break down the wall and grew weary as the months passed and Hopeless made no progress. The wall still stood in their way, taller and stronger than before. Sunlight was upset that Hopeless still did not break down the wall but what Sunlight did not know was that it’s light had helped the prickly creepers grow and all attempts of Hopeless was on the other side of the wall, hidden from the sight of Sunlight.

On a day that was Hopeless favourite number, the number 22, a surprise in the form of a round moon appeared high in the sky.

The moon gave new promises and Hopeless bought a lantern but forgot to get it’s candles. Sunlight however showed shadows of a pomelo fruit that Hopeless excitedly anticipated. Despite the wall that existed, Hopeless and Sunlight had planned to somehow celebrate this annual occasion under the stars and the brightest roundest moon in the lunar calander. After all, it was only a wall that seperated them and not an entire continent like many couples they knew.

Out of nowhere, Defence and Past appeared and all plans had been shattered as hate and spite spread like wildfire.

The moon that was meant to be of good wishes caused menacing shadows as it clashed with the light of Sunlight. With the two brothers and the haunting shadows, Hopeless fell to the ground and wept like she always did. Before falling asleep, Hopeless stopped her crying and on her knees tried to get a glipse of Sunlight. All she saw was the shadows cast by the moon that covered her precious light and a wall that had become so much more solid than before.

Hopeless did not know what to do. Her Sunlight was hiding from her and in it’s place were these horrid shadows that danced and laughed in her face.

After months, Hopeless battered bruised and exhausted finally turned her back to the wall for her precious light at the end of the tunnel was nowhere to be seen.

And with a heavy heart, every step Hopeless took away from that wall, she felt her legs wobble and tears came in cascades for she should have known that one day Sunlight would leave.

I have not felt like this in a long time. a disastrous mix of anger, resentment and hate taken with a pinch of annoyance and a whole shit load of frustration, i really do feel like pulling the trigger of a gun aimed at someones head. nobody’s in particular if you’re wondering. just a need of senseless acts of violence and careless disregard.

i can only take so much.

but you really dont see it do you?

all you see is a spoilt impatient princess that doesnt give a rats ass about another person and demands that the world bow down at her feet without the slightest bit of guilt or compassion. this bossy little thing that acts like shes better than everyone else trapped in her own cocoon of vanity of self love unwilling to share her treasures or her life with anybody who cares or appreciate a single one of her blessings. an irrate and irresponsible kid that is too stupid and arrogant to notice things around or even know how to be concern over someone elses sufferings.

one day i will lose this silver of sanity left in me. and i pray with all my might that nobody will have to suffer because of it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

im really sorry for such an angsty post on this date u_u but i really cant help it.

so happy malaysia day everyone.

okay. so hor actually i was scheduled for a shoot that day cuz itchy backside but something happened which i really cant remember what i was moping around the hse like the first picture below. in response to my moping, Kevin Han decided not to waste his effort of driving all the way over and took pics of my some of me animals u_u which is a good thing he did because both guinea pigs are dead. if uve been following my twitter you would know why “=_= the crazed mosquito spraying of my mother. fear not! the other 2 remaining piggies i have have been shifted to damansara and one more will move over soon!

er yaa… as always veyr heaby picture post. if i keel ure bandwidth iz not my fault u_u

doggie merajuk me

i like the backlight on this a lot u_u

hahahah damn farney!! this GIF reminds me of the monsters in the latest resident evil. RAHHH

monsta doggie

suddenly change location colour also tukar “=_= so girl and angelic now. wtf

continue to emo cuz im still moping and refuse to layan her.

this is the nose nudge.

my dog looks damn melampau sad lor “=_= this fella is now abt 14 years old u_u scarreh

puppeh dog eyes!

the dog! <3

okay totally irrelevant picture but i really like the composition and the colour mash up of this pic. er.. that mess u see is what my room was.

Fuggy u_u my fav fav fav piggie due to personal reasons.

yah thats my dog. no they dont bite and yes they all play together.

Snowball u_u

i know its blur la. im not blind. but i like it =X

hahaha..damn cheeky this expression.

eh yahla i know a lot of similar pics but damn hard to choose okay T__T im damn like that wan!! got problem narrowing down stuff hence my overpacking problem =X

i can haz do puppy dog eyes too!!