lambiiee

being tortured

greedy monsta

i have this fascination with bamboo plants. random ginny fact. wtf

pretty la the flowers. cannot resist snapping wan

KC trying to explain the pose. wtf

dont you think she has the sweetest smile?

I SEE SUPESRMAN

why everybody disturbing me wan?? *evil eye*

OH MAH GAD!! WHAT IS THAT!!!

hahaha hes too cute for words lar

sudah merajuk. LOL.

the pigs need their food. wtf

Silence.

Suffocation.

I close my eyes. Close them at the blurry liquid that forms. My head is spinning. Everything is spinning.

I can barely breath.

All i hear is buzzing. A buzzing that causes the spilling of red. A red that gets darker and darker and finally all i see is black.

Then i am gone.

I slip into unconsciousness. Praying for happy dreams.

Only, they never come.

I reopen them, reopen my eyes and sleeping mind.

It’s morning.

I’m staring at the white ceiling. Listening to to whirring of the fans as my sight tries to refocus.

It’s the same.

My eyes a stinging pain.

My chest feels that unsettling compression.

I’m still suffocating. Nothings changed.

I try to stop it. Stop the darkness that falls over me.

I lose.

I lay there, unmoving. It is as if i were dead.

I don’t know how long. I don’t know how long i stared at the sharp moving blades above me.

They remind me of last night. The last memory i had before it all went blank.

It was white. White everywhere. The tiles on the floors and even the walls.

Glaring back. Mocking everything.

In the center, there is a standing tub. White, clean and pure.

I blink.

There is water.

So inviting. Warm, clear and just taunting.

I turn away.

There is a splash.

In my precious water, sits a girl.

Naked, her skin glows just like the walls. Her eyes, they stare back at me.

Those haunting eyes, they become luminous in the contrast of her milky white skin. Her skin a mirror of porcelain, unscathed and much too tempting.

Slowly, she turns her gaze.

She is staring down. She is staring at the water she carries in her palms.

Her sad eyes flashes. A twitch of understanding. The side of her pale lips curve slightly. They are smiling. She is not smiling in joy. It is a smile of bitter content and a sadness that cannot be expressed.

Water droplets fall.

They fall like tears, tear shaped rubies from the palm of her hands.

I stand mesmerized by the tinge of red. How every droplet turned the still clear water into ripples of pink.

Lines appear across her wrist. Angry deep cuts violate her virgin skin.

I know this scene.

I know it much too well.

I turn away blinking back tears of recognition.

And i know how the tub will soon overflow and there will be nothing left.

Nothing left for that girl. Not even her wishes, dreams and hope.

And there i fall into the place of my dreams. Dreams i can never control.

I finally get up. Move away from the spinning blades above my legs.

The familiarity of this room is different. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to do anything but continue to stare up at the ceiling and its fan.

The sight that greets me downstairs only makes me sadder than i already am.

At the base of my aquarium, the carcass of another dead fish shows. There is no mercy for peaceful death. The other fishes peck and pull at it, uncaring that they had once swam and played together. I have never seen this happen. I knew it did but today the sight of it makes me sick. Sick with disgust at everything around me.

I am drowning.

Being pulled deeper and deeper into those murky red waters.

Mandalay- This Life

You couldn’t even bring yourself

To stay, oh no
You had to go
Spoil it all
I know you had to go
Now I find these endlessly
Colourblind days
To fill
You never will

(Take this life)
Take this life
Take it all
In your hands
You were mine
I could smile
You understand, fine

Again
I dream
You come to me
(Come back to me)
And comfort me
But now I dream
Where did the time go
Where did the time go
Did your love go

I know
You had to go
Spoil it all
And now I know
You never will

(Take this life)
Take this life
Take it all
In your hands
You were mine
I could smile
You understand, fine

(Take this life)
Take this life
Take it all
In your hands
You were mine
I could smile
Again

Just what you said was cold advice
I discovered sticks go with knives
I discovered I could’ve die in your chains
Still I feel, so won’t you stay
Oh, babe

(Take this life)
Take this life
Take it all
In your hands
You were mine
I could smile
You understand, fine

(Take this life)
Take this life
Take it all
In your hands
You were mine
I could smile
Again

Things that make me happy; lazy cloudy day, a good book and a bowl of honey gold flakes cereal in a bowl of farmhouse milk. Haha. I’m not a big fan of milk so i’m really rather picky with them and this is one brand that i dont actually have an issue with in Malaysia.

I dont know why im feeling unusually optimistic today. It might have been that insanely hard body balance class i did after i woke up today. All that sweat and invigorating music plus the whole meditation thing at the end of class may be doing me more good than i’d care to admit.

but i think i really must relate my joy to the weather. Im only happy in certain temperatures and today the weather has been very kind to me.

So here is my schedule today.

Wake up at 8 am. Wonder around the house a bit and then back to bed.

Really waking up at 11.30 am. Clean up and get changed. Drive to the gym.

Body balance class at 12.45 am. An hour of it. Walk over to buy mangoes and apples to snack on and drive back home.

Play with the dogs.

Get comfy on the chair and start reading.

Approximately 3pm get hungry and get myself a bowl of cereal and continue reading while eating.

Back to couch and my reading.

Fall asleep at about 4.30pm and wake up at 5pm.

Stone about, read some more and play with puppy.

Listen to music and blog. It is now 6.45 pm and it sounds like i’ve had a reaaally boring day to a lot of people and i have just wasted another 5 minutes of your time by having you read this crap but i really needed today.

I am happy and calm and all kinds of warm and fuzzy.

And i must say i still love the book The Secret Garden. I first heard about it from watching the movie when i was a kid and up till this day, the book still makes me smile and want a secret garden all to myself.

If only i had a nice patch of grass i could just lay on and stare at the sky without being massacred by mosquitoes, i think my day would really be complete.

It really is so easy to fall in love with books that tell of blue skies, green grass and the sweet scent of morning dew.

I want a cottage in the countryside by a little bubbling stream with a lovely flowering garden in spring and hearty smell of freshly made bread wafting from my windows set slightly ajar. Le sigh. A girl can dream cant she?

well it wasnt really a random shoot lar. it was more like one of the girls profile shoot but me being lazy as always did not contribute much and stayed mostly lazed about on the chair in my corner hence most pics all same angle wan. WHAHHAHAHA.

but first! lunch at pavilion =D actually i dont remmeber what i ate “=_= its the chinese place opposite the MOF ice cream place. hUHUHU

grrrr

elaine and her doggie =D

see. my chair amd the comfily tucked in self.

oh all pics here are from the 450D canon. i forgot to save the Nikon d3 pics into my own thumbdrive so i never got them back “=_=

elie =)

regine =D

dorky kc!

i swear she looks like that cat doll shes holding .__. its almost freaky

elaine again!

Hello all. This is Toby Yeng. The newest addition to the family. He is the smallest white miniature schnauzer i have chanced upon.

 He is over 2 months old and his entire bodys length is equivalent to my feet.

I have size 4 feet.

I kid you not.

He is also extremely naughty and a pig when it comes to food.

Do not be fooled by his tiny size and that sad expression.

He is a monster.

But a new love to the family.