so busy!!!

so hectic!!!

WHY WHY WHY?!?!?

i cant deal with this!!

AHHHHHH!!!

LIFE ON HOLD.

Its just one of those days where there’s just so much going on inside that i just want to let it all out. Only, its all a big pile of incoherent mess floating about my head just waiting to pour itself out. Well, here i am staring but nothing i want to say will write itself out and i am pulled further into my deep seed of chaotic confusion.

Its 4am.

I didn’t even realise how that happened.

I wasn’t even angry.

I’ve forgotten how to be angry.

I was just heartbreakingly lost.

The saddest part of it all was finding this out about myself instead; “maybe i just dont care anymore….”

I make up reasons to cry.

I make up these thoughts in hopes of persuading myself otherwise.

Just now.

I didn’t even try to justify my reasons.

Actually, i never really did.

Unexpectedly, everyone saw me become someone else. Everyone that is but me and that one person i undeniably cared about.

I allowed someone else to consume my fire. I allowed myself to be weakened. I allowed myself to give up.

Truth is, I opened up from the beginning and allowed the tunnel to show.

Its been over a year and i am still smashing myself against that indestructible wall.

What is a miracle if even miracles can be broken?

What have i become?

Who am i now?

Why all this for someone who sees nothing but a fight out of a week of contented happiness.

It’s 2005.

Depression is my best friend again.

Funny.

I told myself.

Never again.

I’m suppose to be stronger.

Why did i let my guard down instead?

I guess its true what they say.

Some things just never change.

OKAY! I AM AWFULLY SORRY! but i dont know why the potraits are all being uploaded as landscapes =( it might be that i left the auto rotation on in my camera but ive already deleted the files and so ive got an entire album stuck like this. Im not even sure if thats the case because when i view it on all the preview items i have like adobe bridge and the normal Mac preview thing it’s all in the correct orientation. even when i pull it into photoshop its the correct orientation so i dont know what to do! anybody help??

i dont remember ever having this problem before T___T so im so sorry for making your eyes hurt for having to stare at the pics the wrong way. WUWUUWW

Ive even googled this and everyone says that its because the pics are not actually rotated yet but how lah to rotate when everything i open them in shows that its already rotated!! i even tried to rotate a one just to see if it would make a difference but nope. it came out the same way. pfft!

anyway found these reallly old pics i thought i lost.

Im not even sure if it’s the correct magazine or the correct location. to top it off it feels like i’ve uploaded these pics before but i cant seem to remember so heck!

I’ve never seen such a fairytale ballroom like this before. i was mucho impressed!

Wish i could show you more pics but i didnt save them for some weird reason. wtf

I dont know what we were doing.

Lagilah tambah head rotation. wtf

They even used such pretty candles okay T___T

Look!!!! Its so pretteh can die!!

I dont remember what the theme was but it was damn extravagant wan. these 2 ladies were on the milder side. CAN YOU IMAGINE MILD?

backdrop for pictures to be taken =D

sorry la im too in love with the candles. wtf

random.

roses on each table. like really pretty roses. T_T

AHHAHHAHHA. sorry sorry.

my fav dish of the night. some salmon flower thingie. very pretty wan.

i dont know what face TJ is giving……

Super cute pic of Elaine

Was suppose to test the G10 before it came out that time. but er… i forgot about it and left it in my bag “=_=

KC and Gin! all pics from his cam T_T my cam not so nais wan U__U so i had to borrow his cam and lenses. pfft

Okay.

How am i?

I am cranky, tired and extremely forgetful.

This is what going to school always does to me. Sigh.

Snapping at everything and wanting to go to bed by 10pm.

Hello.

I miss the lazy me that barely flinches at things.

Go away you angsty easily irritable tired me.

Good night world.

We never really realise how much we’ve truly given up until the moment we break apart. At that split second of verbal diarrhea and overactive tear ducts, the past comes back for a visit to remind us how they no longer even exist.

The moment is now. The moment is here. Past is past. Future is not even near.

Still, every once in a while the idea of reversing time and going back in hopes of changing the present will unexpectedly appear and chaos is that occurrence when we catch ourselves making that horrible wish for the undo button and the not so quiet whispers of regret.

Is tolerance and patience really the key?

Maybe it’s true when they say good guys always finish last.

You put a monk and and a delinquent together in a room. They both hold a gun. The delinquent is screaming and hurling insults at the monk while the monk sits patiently in front of him and smiles and nods his head accepting every word said. This of course irritates the delinquent further than he already is. “Respond you fucking idiot! STOP FUCKING SMILING AT ME THAT WAY!!” screams the delinquent in further agitation. He looses his cool and it’s all over.

Did good win?

I doubt so. The delinquent probably would have have done this; without the slightest thought of anything picks up the gun, aims and shoots the monk in the head. The monk of course does not expect that giving the delinquent the benefit of the doubt. In the end, the monk lies in a pool of his own blood while the delinquent is the one with the gun in his hand and his life.

How do we define right and wrong. Why did society choose to allow one thing and not another?

If animals fight and kill one another, it is only animal instincts and perfectly fine. Yet if humans do that, we are inhuman and savage. How does human instincts really behave? How is it really like if we take away all the rules and self taught morality? Are we really any better?

Why do people always find it so easy to pick faults with another human being.

Why is it so much easier to scream and yell and hurt the people closest to you when you are suppose to love, care and nurture them?

And if it’s so easy to do all those things, why is it so hard to turn away and leave?

Why do we fear leaving when we fear nothing as we stand there screaming, yelling and breaking things?

What told our hearts and emotions to react that way? Was there a handbook that we were all forced to read but somehow forgot about?

What differentiates love, hate, pain, pleasure, happiness and sufferings?

They all secretly come packaged as one thing anyway. If you do not feel one of it you will never feel the other.

We never miss what we never had. If we miss happiness while we suffer, are they not interchangeable and therefore the same?

Love in the end, is really just another word for hate.