Its almost impossible to hold my smile as the littlest of things will trigger an entirely new wave of unwanted reactions.

I don’t know what’s wrong but i know this feeling all too well.

That darkened room with all it’s shadows and me left shivering against an unseen corner.

I want to scream, not an angry scream but an aggravated scream — and then i want to curl myself into a ball, collapsed on the floor and cry till i can no longer breathe.

I’m suffocating.

I know I am.

But the real question is this.

Why?

Is it a collection of multiple reasons or is there something in particular that’s pressing at the back of my mind?

Why am i slipping?

Why have i begun to lose my new found self?

I am regressing.

And i can’t seem to stop myself.

It’s still that repetition.

That cycle of breaking hearts and what ifs.

I’m stuck in a loop driving myself round and round the roundabout looking blindly for the best exit out.

This looks like the right road but maybe that one’s the real one out.

I don’t have a map and nobody is here to guide me.

At the end of the day, all i’m left with is instincts and intuition that can’t seem to sync.

How long before my car runs out of fuel? And is there a short detour i can take to refuel myself?

At some point one of those roads will take me somewhere but is it where i want to be?

The thing is, right now — even i don’t know where I’m heading.

It feels like there’s that same looming tunnel is in every direction i choose,

only which tunnel shows a light at it’s end and which merges into a dead end?

3 steps on the 2nd of every month…

Step 1: Pretend to be just friends.

Step 2: Do a stupid “cute” pose

Step 3: IT WAS COMPLETELY ACCIDENTAL. =X

This girl i know; with the prettiest face and a wisdom beyond that of her years was introduced to me almost 2 years ago.

Secret smiles and secret understandings yet meeting only once in a blue moon, she caught my attention in a way most girls never will.

Still i stalk her her writings HERE and every now and then the sides of my mouth curve up into a smile in mutual understanding to the words she displayed on that very bare layout.

Today i decided to share a part of one of those posts.

Just because i want to.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“to trust, or not to trust?

I hear relationship is about trusting. Well, it’s kinda hard to build something so fast on two strangers, don’t you think?

You begin with like, crush, infatuation, lust, whatever – how are you supposed to go from there? At the beginning you’re already clouded with a rush of hormone and emotions, as your other partner is on the same level of intoxication as you are.

It’s like taking two drunk kids home and putting them in a pitch black room, they’re definitely gonna fuck, or at least do something physical. Tell them, one of them is leaving, one of them has a vaginal disease, one of them is married, one of them has a kid, but what the hell, maybe this one will be different. Maybe this is, the exception.

There it is! That “exception” that gets us screwed, over and over again, too much for a lifetime, not enough to learn the lesson.”

-Plural Fiction