HELLO!

Ginny is on a roll now, doing things that she doesn’t like to do so I’m taking over for 1 short post!

Totally don’t know what to write actually, but I thought her blog has been long dead so it needs a little refreshment before any of you guys leave slowly one by one!

I have always been impressed by good voices, and once I’m into a performance I’ll be with it forever. I don’t know how you all will find this video. Moderate, just okay – but if you try singing the song then you’d see what I mean – it’s really hard to hit the notes correctly, hold them, what more giving it a melodious touch.

Everybody has their own preferences of voices so opinions my differ. But I’m always impressed by acccurate adlibs especially after the 3.20 point

In the wee hours of the morning, awoken by a single over ambitious mosquito; i am unable to fall back asleep.

For the first time ever, I started wondering and reflecting on the past; particularly past relationships and thought about how they had worked and the reasons they slowly fell apart.

It’s especially surprising that in spite of it all, at the end of the day the discoveries of stories thought to be lost slowly come back alive as a tender smile come forming on my lips.

There is no malice.

There is no hate.

I found none and i count my blessings that none of my final fall outs had been that of resentment and regret.

I had clearly been loved.

The signs much too obvious to be ignored.

Even in the cases others found one sided, i knew the truth better than anyone else would know because i know in myself that despite my stupidity; i never stayed when there had not been a cause.

I feel at a calm somehow.

An unfamiliar kind of peaceful as i lie here in the dark and make my own mini montage of memories where my smiles has been caught and the smiles of others became priceless. Even the bad parts seem necessary and it is a strange sort of comfort knowing that those moments no longer hurt me as they did once upon a time. I flip through my memory vault as each new refreshed past reappeared from the dusty cobwebs of forgotten times and i feel the shrouds of love that each one of them has secretly left behind.

There is not a trace of self doubt and there is no thoughts of what an awful person they had been or wishes of reclaiming lost time.

Every little situation, is a treasured piece of me and i would never wish it on myself to have regret the decisions done and made and the people i let into my life.

=)

An old video taken on my 17th birthday in the female toilet of i think equitorial hotel? er.. dunno.whats that hotel thats now millenium?

have been having a bad weekend so far and someone sent me an old video which somehow linked to this and it made me genuinely smile today so figured i’d share it =)

This scene keeps flashing in my mind. The moment i held that blade, the scenes just replayed themselves like a 3D movie in my eyes.

….

A few years ago i met an angel.

An angel that saved me from myself.

I took this angel for granted too many a times but still that angel stood by and gave me an unconditional love that made me become much more patient and kind.

I was taught many things.

The simplicity of a little breeze in the park, and even the silence of the air.

I finally learnt to stop and smell the roses and to stand in a neutral space when faced with 2 colliding options.

….

One day there had been a strange scene.

A scene of broken glass bottles, JW alcohol, paper and blood.

And the repeated words of I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.

….

I never understood that day.

Not until today.

And now i am sorry i caused that pain.

Even if you had blamed not me but yourself.

….

I cannot remove this image.

I cannot figure out why.

What had caused that day to happen?

Why had I not stopped it?

Everything is foggy, everything but that dripping mess and the pain i saw in your eyes…

with the repeat of that simple 5 letter word; sorry

…

Today i apologise again.

For everything you have done for me has been unraveled in this very short 4 hours.

I have lost myself again.

And that reflective pain in your eyes is the image that stops me from going further blindly into that dark side you had helped me leave behind.

.

.

.

Im sorry for all the hurt i gave you.

I never meant it.

But thank you.

Thank you for swiftly unknowingly placing a part of yourself in me.

Because today.

You had indirectly saved me.

Even though now you are no longer a part of my life.

.

.

.

Thank you.

At first it was a melancholic post.

Or at least it was meant to be a melancholic post.

But before i even started writing, these demons come back haunting.

I am a time bomb ticking.

And my sadness is now disgust.

And this is when the demons invade me further.

And i want to gorge the eyes out of the nearest person i can find, stare straight into them as i dig my fingers into their sockets.

This is what anger turns me into.

I am merciless.

I am a monster.

You make me that monster.