Are you happy?

Am i happy?

What constitutes being happy?

Not being sad?

Not being upset?

Then yes, i am happy.

But happiness is such a fragile gift. It comes and goes like the wind and it’s impact shifts like the tides of the sea. There is nothing constant about it. It is merely a breath of fresh air every once in a while in this messy world we have come to live in.

It’s almost like the irritating question of is he/she the one?

Sometimes we know but sometimes we really just don’t. Or perhaps we think we know but in fact we know nothing.

Are we happy with life right now? Are we in the place that we are? With the people that we are with?

At the end of the day, do we really know?

Is it not in truth human nature to never fully be satisfied? Must we not need to reach enlightenment and transcend to our highest point of satisfaction before we discover the truth about how truly happy we really are?

But how many people actually manage to reach that point?

So what is happiness really and how much of it is enough to want it to be in that place instead of being in a constant search for something else?

No.

No, i dont know if im happy.

I dont know what i want or where i want to be.

There are too many conflicting emotions, too many different statements and actions.

But no, I dont think i am happy.

So what now?

What if this is just a fleeting moment of insecurities and confusion?

What happened to that strong girl i saw a glimpse of so many years ago?

I need her now.

I can’t do this alone anymore.

My walls are crumbling.

They are only mere specs of sand left moulded together in this compact space that is now slowly and surely disintegrating.

…

I received a strange message yesterday. It was given weeks ago but only discovered recently.

A message from someone almost part psychic.

It’s almost superstitious and strange but in it she said “do not be selfish on thyself..”

But i no longer have the capacity to love myself enough for this.

I am drained.

My body’s life energy is drained so much that even outsiders come and try to console me when i have a smile on my face.

Am i that transparent?

Or are these people just too damn good?

….

Where is my happiness now?

Suspended account and the immense need to write, hence, invading as a guest blog.

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Some say white lies are appropriate, some say necessary.

Truths are overrated, the truth never helps, the truth always hurts.

So, a little white lie or the painful truth?

What works better for you might not work for others.

I have been seeking the truths and hiding the lies.
Where do I stand?
Tall and timid. Proud and agony.
The guilt and relief, all in a moment.

The lie you hide in that black box is a half truth, discovering a half truth is a lie.

I prefer knowing the truth, she prefers accepting the lie.
Do men and women perceive lie and white lie differently?
Do they lie conveniently?
Telling the truth allows little hesitation and forgiveness.
Perceiving the truth requires more courage and denial.

Should a white lie be glorified?

I was in class this morning and i swear it was the most torturous thing ever though i probably say that about every other class anyway but then it dawned upon me. for the first 5-10 minutes of class i had actually been sitting up attentively. And so the no idea about is blogpost popped up in my head on my love hate relationship with being a nerd+geek. Indeed, i go through nerd geek phases though i think bimbo shines brightest. WTF

So the thing is, i like learning stuff. I like being fed new ideas and new information of things i have…

and while writing this post yesterday i was late and had to rush out and came back at midnight and was too tired to continue.

so now my brain won’t continue this blogspot anymore.

AHHAHHAHAHA.

sorry for wasting yout time =p

but in summary.

i like learning.

i just hate school/college.

k thx bye.

=X Just so you guys remember how i look like. WTF

Its the same make up la.. jsut that my hair let down from that bob thingamajig. long time no vain pot post okay =p so its a bribe for myself and you. WTF