When we allow a little bit of defeat to turn into demotivation, it spirals out of control and becomes a black hole of torment and distractions that takes you further and further away from your original intentions. It absorbs everything that is of a negative context and magnifies it by ten folds, building a massive wall that reflects any form of good or happy thoughts.
With this, comes the attraction of even more depressing things because we are of course our own biggest enemy and self efficacy works a little more efficiently than it should at this point.
Right now I am in this god forsaken place and i want so badly to break down and cry at how everything came hurtling like an avalanche on such an important time this month but i force a weak smile instead. A sad tired smile that tells nothing but the truth of my dead hollow eyes.
Less than 24 hours.
And I will take that opportunity to hug my knees to my chest and cry the tears I’ve tried so hard to hold back over the past day and a half.
Second break point of 2012.
And i wish the cause of the first was here with me now.
Because over a month later, I still miss her.