It’s the worst feeling in the world to lose a beloved.
Especially one that you know wasn’t really to go.
She held on for days, I knew she did it just to see me and it broke my heart so bad to hear her cries and whimpers the day i left her at the vet.
My poor baby had an auto immune disease and her own body was killing her from inside and there was no cure. She had a chance of survival, though slim there was still a chance.
I came to see her the day before i left for Japan. She tried to eat and stay alive, perhaps hoping that I would finally bring her back. She yelped and whined even louder as i walked away from her cage and out the glass doors. I could still hear her from outside.
Did i break her heart this time?
Was that why she never came back?
I never thought that would be the last time i saw her, I didnt even say goodbye. No hugs and kisses just a scratch below her neck because she wasnt allowed to be brought out of the cage.
Nobody told me the day she passed away.
I just found out yesterday because nobody wanted to ruin my trip.
She died the night i flew to Japan.
Was it because she no longer felt my presence?
Did she think i had abandoned her for real this time?
I can’t help but feel like it was my fault.
I left when she needed me most and now a big part of me wished i never went.
My baby Chippy,
I’m so sorry baby. I know for the longest time I was never around. I smelled like another dog and saw you for short hours every now and then when i came back home.
Still, you were always there by my side as i slept and followed me everywhere even awakening if i so much as stirred in my sleep. You kept me company and protected me from anything and anyone you remotely thought was a threat.
I can’t recall how old you are anymore or when we first got you.
But i remember the look in your eyes and that giant pink bow i tied around your neck. You were tiny fragile and shy. Who would have thought you would grow up to be my little soldier that believed could protect me from anything in the world despite your little size.
I hope you’re in a better place now where you’re no longer in pain.
I’m sorry for the hurt and loneliness I’ve caused.
But thank you for being my loyal guardian dog.
I love you baby.
And i really really miss you.
Rest In Peace dearest one and have fun up there in heaven.
Because I know for sure that’s where you are.
I love you.