at least got update la okay. wtf

Normally im damn lazy never edit anything or caption anything just take and upload. so here i semangat a bit. wtf. although its really just some pointless captions. hahaha. but at least got a bit more effort right! to show you guys im sorry for not updating AGAIN. =X

There will always be eyes watching you wherever you go. Some of them friendly, some just nonchalant and the minor few that brings an air of discomfort.

*~*~*~*~*~*

I have noticed a strange habit of mine.

My inability to neither be alone nor to have someone by my side.

Even the friendliest of looks sends me reeling in self conscious annoyance, yet this habit only happens in the vicinity of my own place of home (home not house – KL).

Loneliness creeps in as if it were a draft of air passing through the gaps of a window and i fall constantly into a hole that i can’t climb out of. I pace about restlessly and my mind becomes a chaotic mess of scenarios and words and imaginary whispers of passerbys that notice my faked indifference. I fear being alone. I despise this loneliness yet unknowingly, i seek it quite often.

I am a vial of confused opposites. Extremities at it’s worst, unable to find my bearings or maintain my equilibrium for more than a mere fraction of the time.

Yet, when taken out of my own home, the contrary starts to happen.

I am alone. I enjoy being alone. I feel no strangeness in walking alone down the streets or sitting alone in a cafe right by that street.

I am at peace with this lonesome visitor, this enemy i normally shy away from in disgust whenever he starts to knock on my door.

I am merely a stranger in a foreign land.

And i want to remain that stranger, unnoticed and minute to the constant movement surrounding me.

I want to be neither here nor there.

Time no longer matters, and i shuffle along the sidewalks as if i were only shadow cast upon the floor and my presence no longer really exists.

11.20pm edit

I dont know why but this video is causing a lot of racist arguments instead of the point. seriously ppl??

hey,

i get it. maybe the dog was harmful maybe it wasn’t and i know it’s for the safety of the neighbourhood but what i don’t get is how they couldn’t have dealt with it in a better way =/

perhaps a little more educations on handling the matter like tranquilizing the poor fella and handing it to more experienced ppl to put it down or to send it to a shelter to see the dog’s temperament to try and give it another chance instead.

WHY is the video instead causing ppl to argue against one another about being of a different race or a hypocrite or things like that.

sigh.

and i cant help but wonder. if that dog was a damn poodle, would this video be getting more united awareness instead..

miehh

*~*~*~*~*~*

At some point, I’ve pretty much given up on the whole animal cruelty stint.

A big part of me has died so many times that i no longer have much reaction anymore in compared to how i used to react despite that pounding agitation and the usual sting of tears.

But… this being done legally in Malaysia despite all the hoohaa that was created over the whole poodle and cat issue and all the press media, i can’t help but want to blog about this and ask why isn’t anything being done about situations like this?

Hey i get it that some stray dogs really need to be dealt with but isn’t doing it this way a little too much?

What really broke my heart was what the person who took this video said in his description,

“my 3 years old daughter asked me, what are they doing? what am i to answer her??”

Yeah, what do you answer her?

Actually,

What do you answer anyone who even understands the meaning of humanity?

I lay there in the dim room, a smile etched across my face as the calming words of a mantra swirled around my head. For that little while, we were all silent. Focused only on the music and our very own breathing.

Halfway through I felt something damp as visions of a past presence invaded my thoughts and sight. With my eyes closed, the playback felt even more real than I had ever remembered. From the beginning till the end, the timeline of the most critical images flashed mercilessly as I continued to cry.

“Stop it!” I told myself. I wasn’t alone in the room, when the lights come on everyone would be able to see my tear stained face. Yet the more I willed the memories to stop, the clearer they became and the more it stung.

I don’t remember how long ago it’s been since you left but till this day my heart still weeps at the very sight or reminder of my “baby boy.” I miss you gizmo. I miss you so much more than anyone would ever know.

I love you.

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