This topic has been making it’s way into my life much too many times this week.

From an incidence of a close friend of mine to a continuous stream of movies and DVDs.

Is it really a happy thing for two people who really like each other to not end up together? Even when the feelings never really disappeared despite being years since their last meeting.

Many have said the movies I have seen were not sad at all and I was crazy to have cried as much as I did because in the end, there were always still the memories they both held on to and they skipped the pain of a love that dies after finally being together.

But there goes that constant questions of What Ifs?

And how do both parties really move on with their lives while still never really being able to let go of the other?

Isn’t it unfair to their future partners as well.

Why is that a happy ending?

Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I believe too much in fairytales and love stories but it always, ALWAYS hurts me to see two people who clearly have chemistry not end up being together even for just a little while yet still have their minds and hearts keep rotating back to each other as the years go on by.

I hate seeing things like that happen.

…

So do it.

Do it when they’re right next to you. Tell them how important they really are in your lives because that special moment is fleeting and every second of hesitation spells another opportunity for loss.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(I’m sorry this post is so messy and hard to understand. It’s been a while since I last wrote and the cascade of supposedly not so sad but incredibly sad to me movies have really hit a nerve with me and my head needs a little clearing..

This post has also nothing to do with me directly or anybody else I know in particular just a wondering thought as I find being in such a situation to be such a heart wrenching one while many are able to think of how it is actually better that way.

Bah!! Even I cant understand what I’m writing….

SORREH!)

People seem to continuously mistake the idea behind trust.

I trust you. I just don’t trust your friend. That’s all.

Is that sentence really so hard to understand?

People do not hold on as hard to their ideals as they insist they do because in this circle of life, the treads of fate are so intensely messy and intertwined that a tangled ball of relationships can easily occur. In the time frame it takes to unravel that ball, confusion and chaos ensues and for a while, everything just isn’t the same anymore. Things get shaken up, temptations appear all over and the words “JUST THIS ONCE” miraculously starts forming itself line by line, alphabet by alphabet before it becomes a full blown voice in the head screaming and screaming until you either close your eyes and walk away or close your eyes and take the damn fucking plunge.

We’ve all been there.

Heck, I’ve been there.

The companies I’ve kept and the different way i seem to tolerate and get affected by someone else is all a continuous repetition in life that seems to go on and on with different people and most commonly occurring to those that say “I WONT! I WILL NEVER!”

Ahhh, fate has it’s ways of screwing about with the lives of the innocent.

Believe it.

So when more than a person says someone else is bad company for you and freaks out; sit down and take a listen because maybe there’s just something behind it.

People behave differently with different people.

But only a handful ever really realise just how big an impact and just what changes actually occur because these things are best seen by someone else.

Afterall, if you’re in a a fight with someone, are you really going to notice the clothes the other party wears or the screams that come out of your mouth?

The answer is a definite no.

And in this way, even outsiders know secrets you would never want to acknowledge.

So really,

Are the things that comes out from your buddies mouth really the entire truth?

Or are they hiding hidden agendas and screwing around with you.

Nobody is anybody enough to dictate another person’s life or to tell them the good from bad unless it’s stating the obvious like how drugs would damage your immune system.

But people are continuously naive and arrogant thinking that they are the all mighty and that they know best but it never occurs to them how everybody is built differently and how everybody has a personality system of their own that would incur a different outcome from that of themselves. Something bad for one person may not be bad for another person.

Lets take a boy and a girl for an example.

Boy dates girl. Boy breaks girls heart. Bad ugly breakup. Girl tells every subsequent girlfriend of Boy that he’s a shit person and he’s bad for them. But that isn’t the entire truth is it? Because at some point Boy is going to find someone he truly loves and things will be different for that special girl.

So learn to sit on the neutral fence more often and stop with the assumptions of other people’s lives.

You may just end up giving them bad advice.

And bad advice to the wrong person is going to destroy their lives.

All because you thought you were right and that you knew enough to put your nosy face into another persons life.

TSK.

I’ve been known to be pretty anal about a million and one things which indirectly tells you that i also have about a million and one pet peeves that just tick me off so badly i end up not being able to concentrate on anything else once the trigger has been set. This unfortunately has to be one of those moments which could not come at a “better” time considering how i have my assignments due and yet i am here typing and reaching boiling point at something that happened not too long ago (ie. RIGHT JUST NOW).

I get how people that have been hurt or whatever it is hold grudges and have a tendency to avoid the party that had inflicted the pain or whatever but to hold on to that grudge like somebody murdered your family for the fun of it is just fucking irritating. Yeah okay, be pissed off. In fact be really pissed of for a year or so but to continue being pissed off and refusing to let go to the extent of constantly avoiding that person and even causing those around you agitation or discomfort at the mentioning of said person’s name is just taking it too far.

Hey.

THE PAST IS THE PAST.

DEAL WITH IT NOW instead of fucking around with your present and future.

People never realize how by dragging in their past into their present they end up muddling everything together and thus causing an even bigger effect than originally intended which would really screw their future over.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Im getting more worked up typing about this but i just want to say this to the person who pushed me to this point today.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW I FEEL KNOWING THAT SOMETHING SO LONG AGO STILL HAS SUCH AN ADVERSE AFFECT ON YOU? where the hell does that put me then? that at the end of the day, i am still never going to be above that or important enough for you to focus on me instead of something that happened in the past? People change, situations change but holding on to something that is no longer there is only going to create a time capsule of continuous pain.

I dont even know what to say to you anymore. Its not like you ever listen or that you even care enough to consider my feelings anyway.

*note to all my readers: this probably sounds like a rant about a bfs ex gf or something but no. not really. thats not it. i shall leave it somewhat cryptic. le sigh.*

i swear my conscience is becoming excessively ridiculous!!

not too long back the bf decided to bring some random fish home because he refuses to let me keep my guppies as they all had a sudden death when i went to aussieland last year. the fishie he brought home wasnt eating much despite it being an omnivorous fish.

so a few days back i saw the most DISGUSTING and long worm wriggling about outside. YES I HATE WORMS AND THINGS THAT WRIGGLE LIKE MAGGOTS!! give me spiders and lizards any day (i actually like them). Also, after absorbing this information about me, please throw it back out and forget it so you do not use it against me one day. ANYWAY, back to the story so i started going eww and made gagging sounds until the boyfriend came and said EH GO CATCH IT AND FEED TO THE FISH!

this of course sparked a series of OMG and NO WAY from me because seriously i am not going to pick that disgusting wriggly thing up so he went and got it and fed it to the fish. WAHLAH! fish very aggressively ate the friggin worm which was over 10cm long!! at first i was just happy because the poor skinny thing finally decided to swallow something and then it hit me. OMG THE POOR INNOCENT WORM!! all it was doing was wriggling its way back into the dirt from the tiles and in a flurry of unknown movements, it’s being drowned in water and suddenly ends up being bitten and swallowed by a fish with teeth! …. i was genuinely appalled at the whole idea of how i may have just contributed to the death of the very disgusting worm in such a torturous manner!! .___. drowning and being beheaded via bites is pretty hell fucked up aye.

and then yesterday another depressing though dawned upon me.

if most of you dont already know, the current place im living in is literally infested with mosquitoes so in order to help elevate this problem we have mosquito traps. the kind where the light and co2 attracts the mozzies and then it gets sucked into the trap and can’t escape. i’ve had it for a while now and ive never had any qualms about squishing and killing mosquitoes because they really piss the hell out of me (i am a walking mosquito attraction). so anyway the first trap we had was just like that and one sucked it they cant escape. my mum got me another one where you can put sticky paper at the bottom so the trap doesnt need to be continuously on (if u switch it off the fan stops so the mozzies can fly back out) since the mozzies get stuck on the paper.

i opened the trap to count how many mosquitoes there were and a few of them were still alive trying their best to escape T___T and i got hit by another level of guilt trippin. I AM TORTURING THE MOSQUITOES!!! you see, if i had a zapper or if i squished them, it would be an instant death. no suffering no nothing but these so called eco friendly traps work by trapping the mosquitoes and then they eventually die from dehydration!! BUT OMG CAN U IMAGINE HOW TRAGIC IT IS?!?! i am actually causing the mosquitoes to slowly dehydrate and die from it in a slow and depressing manner T_____T

now im in such a dilemma i don’t know what to do because the stupid voice in my head won’t stop mocking me T___T

i am evil.

i feel evil.

somebody help me. PFFT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA damn you conscience!!