gee whiz. so the princess falls asleep in a foul mood and wakes up in an even worst mood. tres perfecto. must be that damn PMS. else something is definitely wrong. HM.

and as always with absolutely nothing intelligent to say here but because her crankyness has stopped her highness from attending classes today in fear of snapping off everybody’s heads, she misses her peeps who have all gone back overseas =( nobody free to entertain me on weekdays!! *sulks in corner* and nothing better to do la obviously so itchy backside must open blog and type rubbish lor.

and to note, i’ve already gotten sick of driving. tsk. talk about fast.

i feel like splurging money on clothes imma almost never gonna wear. and heels. and pretty things that make me happy. =(

i want to eat japanese. I miss Hajime and Rakuzen and Kampachi.

i miss Natalie Chai =(

and Khue Ju Piau and Keegan Lee. please come back quick and rescue me. thanks.

i miss Bakerzins awesomest strawberry shortcake. LE SIGH.

i want to swim. i want back all my club memberships especially KLGCC  T___T stupid overpriced memberships that get revoked at 18!! where is the justice in all of this!! it should be at least 21 NOT 18!! i is anger.

i want poached eggs from La Bodega or Yogi Tree U_U

oh. why do i have such expensive cravings now when i just got the blackberry. nao no more money to throw. ahhhhhhhhhhh. need work work. but dreading work this thursday to sunday. 12 fucken hours. and at 7AM. FML. what on earth possessed me to say yes.. oh right. empy bank account beckons. FML.

and i do not like fitness first in the curve. so much for platinum. it sucks. me fav is still at Manulife. glorious big windows and sun!! and so much more private for some reason. ahhhhhh. pilates almost killed me last week. i is so weak. it is pathethic. my friend Sophie took 3 classes back to back on Sunday. Body combat, Body Jam and Body Pump and she was perfectly fine T_T why am i like that. cannot even survive one class. UWUWUWUWU.

chants “i love my life, i love my life”

just shoot me.

it feels almost like you’re dissolving away as you drive slowly along the highway towards the flashes that seem so far away. it jumps at you from a distance, a burst that lights up the night sky and then it’s dark again. you are driven towards it, pulled by its everlasting beauty and then thoughts of death and suicide suddenly feel so much more real.

 how easy it is for a person to take away another persons happiness and basic freedom.

how the idea of life itself becomes such a foolish lie.

tired.

much too tired for explanations. but its that point in time again, where this home only brings pain and the destruction of my blossoming joy.

much too familiar.

truth is, it is nothing more but just another repetitive encounter of the past of the present.

LET ME GO.

if this doesnt count as a tragedy i really have no idea what would.

i finally get around to making a new layout after switching to wordpress. i dig around for my wacom tablet lo and behold

TRAGEDY.

i saw ants happily making their way out of the crevices of my tablet.

THEY FUCKING MADE A NEST IN MY WACOM TABLET!?!?! MY ONE AND ONLY BOUGHT WITH MY FIRST PAY CHECK TABLET. FML.

i tried drowning them all since there’s pretty much no way i can save my tablet anyway.

after soaking it in hot water for almost half an hour. the ants just still kept spewing out like they were infinite T_T. must be those damn air bubbles that saved them. so i gave up trying to mass murder them threw my precious tablet into a plastic bag and used mosquito spray to spray the living daylight out of them.

i feel somewhat contented to have murdered the bastards.

u know normally i never kill ants because they are such hardworking insects BUT THIS IS JUST TOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH.

now i need to get a new one =(

*cries in corner*

happy early birthday to me =(

i never really believed i could walk away from you.

tonight you made me so much closer.

i never knew i could hate you.

tonight i hate you in a way that it feels like all this while it had just been a game and betrayal was what had concurred.

that was not the case.

but tonight,

tonight you sincerely made me hate you.

at least for this moment and time.

you would think that the date 11.01.10 would be a good date. but noooooooooooooo, it pretty much pawned me over BIG TIME.

it all started at about 3 am where i suddenly woke up with a start, sweating. rolled around for a bit and forced myself to go back to bed because i had an exam today and due to some unforseen circumstances the day before, i had not even touched my books. total blackness and the weird dreams started hitting me at full force. dreams don’t even qualify more like a bombard of nightmares in this case. havent happened before =S this was just nightmare after nightmare after nightmare

3 stories. 3 haunting images flash across in the span of 4 hours.

the first one was the image of 2 cars having a head on collision in front of me. next thing i know, im slamming on my breaks because the cars in front of me were in such bad states they blocked the entire road. red everywhere, screams and fear stricken eyes is all i remember after that. it was just me. standing there watching in slow motion as the 2 cars hit each other and the drivers splitting their heads and dying on the spot.

then i wake up, and i can still hear them crying. 

i shut my eyes and i blank out again.

and like a repeat im in the same car, this time someone else is beside me. i can’t see his face but i know it’s a guy. all i see is shadows and im screaming at him. angry, frustrated and then im laughing and giggling. i let go of the steering wheel and he grabs hold of it. suddenly a hollow sound comes out from him and my car stops on it’s own.  i look on the road and a man is mutilated in front of me. his limbs twisted and his blood a dark stain across the ground. you can’t see his eyes. they’re not there. his lips frozen in place as flies swarm around.

suddenly thunder erupts above and it’s almost pitch black. i can hear the thundering sounds of heavy raindrops on the roof. my headlights turn on and there it remains focused on the dead man. the man next to me, he laughs. touches my face and tells me not to be afraid. suddenly im in his seat and he’s in mine. he steps on the accelerator and we race towards the corpse in the daunting rain. i remember shutting my eyes, chocking on my tears and muffled screams. i could hear the sound of bones breaking underneath. the cracking of  bones and the squelching of wet tires across his bloodied body. an echo surrounds me and with my eyes still tightly shut i hear his hollow laughter.

i sit up in bed, my eyes fly open. im in the room, the boy’s sleeping quietly beside. my body is exhauted, my heart is racing.

i reach out for him and hold his hands tightly in mine. i hold on like i’m afraid he’s going to dissapear and the next thing i know, i’m asleep because i’m now in a room thats all too familiar except it’s daylight and the walls are a bleached kind of white..

he calls to tell me he’s going away for a few days. take care of his dogs he says. she sits beside me and i mumbled my okays and then we hear dogs growling. we run down together and i see a kitten cowering by the wall. the little thing is cornered. she who is afraid of cats stands there unsure of how to react. finally she lunges towards one of the dogs and grabs hold of his collar. just in time, he almost bit the other. i run towards them. grab the little one and bring it back inside.

we’re hungry. i leave the kitten upstairs and we head to the mamak nearby. i’m eating and suddenly my heart squeezes in pain. i start to perspire as my heart rate goes up. i hear a loud wail. somethings in pain. my goosebumps and hairs starts to stand up. then it’s gone. silence. i stare across to where i am. i see something black run towards us. it’s his black dog. he’s gotten loose. he comes and rubs himself against me. and a smell hits my nose. i look down and my white shorts are covered in blood. i scream. i run blindly back towards the house. the door is wide open.

i run upstairs and all i see is fur and blood splatted across the walls and bed. the pungent smell of death suffocates me as i stand in the middle of the room and watch as the blood slides slowly down the walls. i collapse and my whole body shudders as i let out gasps of air.

again i wake up, this time my eyes remain close. and the lingering smell of blood still invades my senses.

finally they open and it’s light. i reach for my phone. it’s 7.12. my alarm is going to ring soon. i sit up again. afraid to go back to sleep. suddenly he wakes up and he asks whats wrong. he holds me tight and tells me it’s alright but he notices im still tossing and i wont go back to sleep. he goes out and brings something in. it’s the necklace he usually wears and he places it on the bed frame. finally, finally i fall asleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

less than 4 hours of sleep and im up having to study. lounge around the house a while, read some notes and head over to college. drive to the hostels to meet a friend who was going to tutor me a bit. i drive down the parking and my road is blocked. i cant get past. there’s nowhere else to park so i make a u turn and drive into the residents car park. see a spot with no reserve sign and park there. get out of the car and suddenly a guard comes up to me and tells me i cant park here and tells me to park outside.i tell her i can’t. theres no parking she stares at me and walks towards the edge and shows me that there is indeed still a lot of parking. im confused. very very confused. and then i realise it’s the area beyond where the tow truck had stopped. i drive back down and i’m already i’m half an hour late.

do some practice questions from past year papers and realise with a start it’s a lot easier then what i had remembered. i knew how to do a great deal of them. and i remembered the formulas i needed. felt relieved thinking that okay, i’m ready for my paper.

drive to the building and head towards my usual car park. its 1.22pm. i know, i looked at the time printed on the car park ticket.

my table number is 011. how ironic. almost like todays date. exam paper on the table. first few questions are fine. and then the headache starts. i can’t do almost half my paper. time’s running out. the questions staring back at me are totally alien.  times up. over a quarter of my paper is still empty. it was fucked. resits again next sem i guess.

disheartened. head back towards my car. my parking is 4 bucks for the first 2 hours and 2.50 for additional hours. i went 15 minutes past 2 hours. had to cough up more money then i had anticipated. drive out and i cant decide to go back home to cheras or home to damansara. finally decide on cheras. the minute my car hits cheras, it rains. and i notice i’m almost out of petrol. fuck that. go home.

home. i come online.

less than 20 mins later, power trip and there’s no electricity. to make matters worst a few car alarms are ringing simultaneously. and it goes on for the next 10-15 minutes.

sigh. im tired.

it’s been a bad bad day.