From an incidence of a close friend of mine to a continuous stream of movies and DVDs.

Is it really a happy thing for two people who really like each other to not end up together? Even when the feelings never really disappeared despite being years since their last meeting.

Many have said the movies I have seen were not sad at all and I was crazy to have cried as much as I did because in the end, there were always still the memories they both held on to and they skipped the pain of a love that dies after finally being together.

But there goes that constant questions of What Ifs?

And how do both parties really move on with their lives while still never really being able to let go of the other?

Isn’t it unfair to their future partners as well.

Why is that a happy ending?

Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I believe too much in fairytales and love stories but it always, ALWAYS hurts me to see two people who clearly have chemistry not end up being together even for just a little while yet still have their minds and hearts keep rotating back to each other as the years go on by.

I hate seeing things like that happen.

…

So do it.

Do it when they’re right next to you. Tell them how important they really are in your lives because that special moment is fleeting and every second of hesitation spells another opportunity for loss.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(I’m sorry this post is so messy and hard to understand. It’s been a while since I last wrote and the cascade of supposedly not so sad but incredibly sad to me movies have really hit a nerve with me and my head needs a little clearing..

This post has also nothing to do with me directly or anybody else I know in particular just a wondering thought as I find being in such a situation to be such a heart wrenching one while many are able to think of how it is actually better that way.

Bah!! Even I cant understand what I’m writing….

SORREH!)

I trust you. I just don’t trust your friend. That’s all.

Is that sentence really so hard to understand?

People do not hold on as hard to their ideals as they insist they do because in this circle of life, the treads of fate are so intensely messy and intertwined that a tangled ball of relationships can easily occur. In the time frame it takes to unravel that ball, confusion and chaos ensues and for a while, everything just isn’t the same anymore. Things get shaken up, temptations appear all over and the words “JUST THIS ONCE” miraculously starts forming itself line by line, alphabet by alphabet before it becomes a full blown voice in the head screaming and screaming until you either close your eyes and walk away or close your eyes and take the damn fucking plunge.

We’ve all been there.

Heck, I’ve been there.

The companies I’ve kept and the different way i seem to tolerate and get affected by someone else is all a continuous repetition in life that seems to go on and on with different people and most commonly occurring to those that say “I WONT! I WILL NEVER!”

Ahhh, fate has it’s ways of screwing about with the lives of the innocent.

Believe it.

So when more than a person says someone else is bad company for you and freaks out; sit down and take a listen because maybe there’s just something behind it.

People behave differently with different people.

But only a handful ever really realise just how big an impact and just what changes actually occur because these things are best seen by someone else.

Afterall, if you’re in a a fight with someone, are you really going to notice the clothes the other party wears or the screams that come out of your mouth?

The answer is a definite no.

And in this way, even outsiders know secrets you would never want to acknowledge.

So really,

Are the things that comes out from your buddies mouth really the entire truth?

Or are they hiding hidden agendas and screwing around with you.

But people are continuously naive and arrogant thinking that they are the all mighty and that they know best but it never occurs to them how everybody is built differently and how everybody has a personality system of their own that would incur a different outcome from that of themselves. Something bad for one person may not be bad for another person.

Lets take a boy and a girl for an example.

Boy dates girl. Boy breaks girls heart. Bad ugly breakup. Girl tells every subsequent girlfriend of Boy that he’s a shit person and he’s bad for them. But that isn’t the entire truth is it? Because at some point Boy is going to find someone he truly loves and things will be different for that special girl.

So learn to sit on the neutral fence more often and stop with the assumptions of other people’s lives.

You may just end up giving them bad advice.

And bad advice to the wrong person is going to destroy their lives.

All because you thought you were right and that you knew enough to put your nosy face into another persons life.

TSK.

I get how people that have been hurt or whatever it is hold grudges and have a tendency to avoid the party that had inflicted the pain or whatever but to hold on to that grudge like somebody murdered your family for the fun of it is just fucking irritating. Yeah okay, be pissed off. In fact be really pissed of for a year or so but to continue being pissed off and refusing to let go to the extent of constantly avoiding that person and even causing those around you agitation or discomfort at the mentioning of said person’s name is just taking it too far.

Hey.

THE PAST IS THE PAST.

DEAL WITH IT NOW instead of fucking around with your present and future.

People never realize how by dragging in their past into their present they end up muddling everything together and thus causing an even bigger effect than originally intended which would really screw their future over.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Im getting more worked up typing about this but i just want to say this to the person who pushed me to this point today.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW I FEEL KNOWING THAT SOMETHING SO LONG AGO STILL HAS SUCH AN ADVERSE AFFECT ON YOU? where the hell does that put me then? that at the end of the day, i am still never going to be above that or important enough for you to focus on me instead of something that happened in the past? People change, situations change but holding on to something that is no longer there is only going to create a time capsule of continuous pain.

I dont even know what to say to you anymore. Its not like you ever listen or that you even care enough to consider my feelings anyway.

*note to all my readers: this probably sounds like a rant about a bfs ex gf or something but no. not really. thats not it. i shall leave it somewhat cryptic. le sigh.*

not too long back the bf decided to bring some random fish home because he refuses to let me keep my guppies as they all had a sudden death when i went to aussieland last year. the fishie he brought home wasnt eating much despite it being an omnivorous fish.

so a few days back i saw the most DISGUSTING and long worm wriggling about outside. YES I HATE WORMS AND THINGS THAT WRIGGLE LIKE MAGGOTS!! give me spiders and lizards any day (i actually like them). Also, after absorbing this information about me, please throw it back out and forget it so you do not use it against me one day. ANYWAY, back to the story so i started going eww and made gagging sounds until the boyfriend came and said EH GO CATCH IT AND FEED TO THE FISH!

this of course sparked a series of OMG and NO WAY from me because seriously i am not going to pick that disgusting wriggly thing up so he went and got it and fed it to the fish. WAHLAH! fish very aggressively ate the friggin worm which was over 10cm long!! at first i was just happy because the poor skinny thing finally decided to swallow something and then it hit me. OMG THE POOR INNOCENT WORM!! all it was doing was wriggling its way back into the dirt from the tiles and in a flurry of unknown movements, it’s being drowned in water and suddenly ends up being bitten and swallowed by a fish with teeth! …. i was genuinely appalled at the whole idea of how i may have just contributed to the death of the very disgusting worm in such a torturous manner!! .___. drowning and being beheaded via bites is pretty hell fucked up aye.

and then yesterday another depressing though dawned upon me.

if most of you dont already know, the current place im living in is literally infested with mosquitoes so in order to help elevate this problem we have mosquito traps. the kind where the light and co2 attracts the mozzies and then it gets sucked into the trap and can’t escape. i’ve had it for a while now and ive never had any qualms about squishing and killing mosquitoes because they really piss the hell out of me (i am a walking mosquito attraction). so anyway the first trap we had was just like that and one sucked it they cant escape. my mum got me another one where you can put sticky paper at the bottom so the trap doesnt need to be continuously on (if u switch it off the fan stops so the mozzies can fly back out) since the mozzies get stuck on the paper.

i opened the trap to count how many mosquitoes there were and a few of them were still alive trying their best to escape T___T and i got hit by another level of guilt trippin. I AM TORTURING THE MOSQUITOES!!! you see, if i had a zapper or if i squished them, it would be an instant death. no suffering no nothing but these so called eco friendly traps work by trapping the mosquitoes and then they eventually die from dehydration!! BUT OMG CAN U IMAGINE HOW TRAGIC IT IS?!?! i am actually causing the mosquitoes to slowly dehydrate and die from it in a slow and depressing manner T_____T

now im in such a dilemma i don’t know what to do because the stupid voice in my head won’t stop mocking me T___T

i am evil.

i feel evil.

somebody help me. PFFT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA damn you conscience!!

so hectic!!!

WHY WHY WHY?!?!?

i cant deal with this!!

AHHHHHH!!!

LIFE ON HOLD.

How am i?

I am cranky, tired and extremely forgetful.

This is what going to school always does to me. Sigh.

Snapping at everything and wanting to go to bed by 10pm.

Hello.

I miss the lazy me that barely flinches at things.

Go away you angsty easily irritable tired me.

Good night world.

Ginny going back into one of her emo rants that you guys are of course never surprised to find.

So how does one find it to be okay to completely neglect to tell their partners that they are going out for dinner to meet their friends and then telling them only about 2 hours before the occasion happens. There was of course and invitation but it included driving there oneself ignoring the fact of course that the venue of the place is less than 15 minutes away from where the poor waiting girlfriend is. Of course i can drive there but i don’t see the point of driving in 2 seperate cars to the same place and driving back in 2 seperate cars when its so damn near.

What i dont get is this. It’s perfectly okay to be late for anything related to said partner (late being half an hour to even 3-4 hours) but not okay to be late for said very good friends?

i guess in most circumstances im being absolutely unreasonable and i should of course just drive there myself but when you spent the night crying and then listening to sorrys that barely even justifies itself one would unaccountably be pissed off even more when instead of following instincts and fleeing somewhere else, one decides to stupidly go home and wait patiently at home as one always does anyway.

But whoop de doo. Mistake of the year because it was discovered making a short detour to get me is way too much hassle and it’s okay to make me wait but never okay to make others wait. =)

Most of the time, i think my immunity level has gone up but lately, i keep wondering to myself; perhaps it’s time to stop.

This level of breakage was just the tipping point of what’s already almost full to the brim. That one little leaf that could make the whole tower come crashing down but of course nobody notices. Nobody.

Especially not him.

Nobody but the tired circles under my eyes and that dull aching pain of familiarity.

Some say angry drunks are the worst kind of drunks but i really do think otherwise.

And its even funnier when everyone is confused whether said “happy” drunk is really all right at all and begin questioning those around about the sanity and condition of the drunkard. Everyone else can always tell that these “happy” drunks are really not at all in the best state of mind. Everyone that is except for themselves.

The underlining fact is this. Self proclaimed “happy” drunks are happy because they no longer give a fuck. In layman terms i think we can in a way associate this with being arrogant, selfish and conceited.

Everyone around becomes uneasy to a certain extent but they never ever realise or try to understand why because hey, “happy dont give a fuck” people really do not need to care so why even bother.

Hello 2011.

And Happy New Year to everyone else =)

So the story was like this.

i went for a casting call at Shiroku Productions for the recent Tutti Fruitti Froyo ad being shown on TV. i didn’t get the main or the featured but they called me up and asked if i could do a favour by helping out as an extra. i figured why not. its not like i had anything better to do with my life anyway and being an extra was infinitely less work or SO I THOUGHT.

Even before production i was required to attend a fitting session with their full Tutti Fruitti uniform and this itself was surprising as it is considering that from all my experiences being a features as well as an extra this normally doesnt happen for an extra. i shrugged it off and went ahead anyway since the place was so near where i was staying. the day of the production was another mess all together. i was surprised to notice that the make up artist was my own agent even “=_= but thought nothing of it again.

IN FACT NOTHING OCCURRED TO ME until me and another guy who was also an extra in the tutti fruitti uniform were required to do our own individual picture shoot kind of thing will FULL FRONTAL FACE EXPOSURES. the ad was meant to be like a cartoon kind of thing so they used pictures instead of it being entirely a video. Me and the other guy were really surprised and we started talking about it. i finally went up to my agent and asked why this was happening because i thought we were just extras in the background. This surprised her as well and she went and had a talk with the production house and wtf they had the dumbest explanation ever!!!

I was told that it was all just for the client to see and they wont really use us in the ad but there was internal complications and they had to appear to look like we were being featured as well or some crap like that. i tried demanding for a pay raise because extras get basically peanuts for the fact that we do not even have to agree to having ourselves shown because WE ARE SUPPOSE TO APPEAR NON EXISTENT IN THE BACKGROUND. the other guy was a really nice and shy fella and he didn’t really dare to bring it up but he was definitely unhappy about the whole situation as well and kept urging me to ask about it and so i did multiple times which i guess stressed everyone out especially the production company.

i saw the ads today and they had 2 different versions. the other extra had a lot of face time and i really hope they paid him later on for it or something but i reaaallly doubt it because even the mains and featured didnt exactly get much. hell, he even appeared in both versions!!! he’s the tall guy in the tutti fruitti uniform that is like the ambassador ya. NOW YOU tell me does that look like a role of an extra to you!?!

and then i found myself in the traffic jam ad as well. ONLY IT WAS JUST MY BODY because my face had been replaced by someone elses. their own staff for that matter of fact. why didnt you idiots just do that in the beginning then?? i have a suspicion they were afraid to use my original pic because of the scene i had already created during production itself. but i really think everything had been handled very unprofessionally. and its impossible that the pic was taken again because i was there the entire time and the other talents in the picture had left way before me.

here are the 2 ads btw.

Productions houses like Shiroku Productions really give malaysian companys a bad name wei. and such a horrible ad seriously “=_= not like the ice cream is some cheap ice cream can find on the streets. i think its even more expensive than haagan dazs wei!!!