I trust you. I just don’t trust your friend. That’s all.

Is that sentence really so hard to understand?

People do not hold on as hard to their ideals as they insist they do because in this circle of life, the treads of fate are so intensely messy and intertwined that a tangled ball of relationships can easily occur. In the time frame it takes to unravel that ball, confusion and chaos ensues and for a while, everything just isn’t the same anymore. Things get shaken up, temptations appear all over and the words “JUST THIS ONCE” miraculously starts forming itself line by line, alphabet by alphabet before it becomes a full blown voice in the head screaming and screaming until you either close your eyes and walk away or close your eyes and take the damn fucking plunge.

We’ve all been there.

Heck, I’ve been there.

The companies I’ve kept and the different way i seem to tolerate and get affected by someone else is all a continuous repetition in life that seems to go on and on with different people and most commonly occurring to those that say “I WONT! I WILL NEVER!”

Ahhh, fate has it’s ways of screwing about with the lives of the innocent.

Believe it.

So when more than a person says someone else is bad company for you and freaks out; sit down and take a listen because maybe there’s just something behind it.

People behave differently with different people.

But only a handful ever really realise just how big an impact and just what changes actually occur because these things are best seen by someone else.

Afterall, if you’re in a a fight with someone, are you really going to notice the clothes the other party wears or the screams that come out of your mouth?

The answer is a definite no.

And in this way, even outsiders know secrets you would never want to acknowledge.

So really,

Are the things that comes out from your buddies mouth really the entire truth?

Or are they hiding hidden agendas and screwing around with you.

I dont know why but this video is causing a lot of racist arguments instead of the point. seriously ppl??

hey,

i get it. maybe the dog was harmful maybe it wasn’t and i know it’s for the safety of the neighbourhood but what i don’t get is how they couldn’t have dealt with it in a better way =/

perhaps a little more educations on handling the matter like tranquilizing the poor fella and handing it to more experienced ppl to put it down or to send it to a shelter to see the dog’s temperament to try and give it another chance instead.

WHY is the video instead causing ppl to argue against one another about being of a different race or a hypocrite or things like that.

sigh.

and i cant help but wonder. if that dog was a damn poodle, would this video be getting more united awareness instead..

miehh

*~*~*~*~*~*

At some point, I’ve pretty much given up on the whole animal cruelty stint.

A big part of me has died so many times that i no longer have much reaction anymore in compared to how i used to react despite that pounding agitation and the usual sting of tears.

But… this being done legally in Malaysia despite all the hoohaa that was created over the whole poodle and cat issue and all the press media, i can’t help but want to blog about this and ask why isn’t anything being done about situations like this?

Hey i get it that some stray dogs really need to be dealt with but isn’t doing it this way a little too much?

What really broke my heart was what the person who took this video said in his description,

“my 3 years old daughter asked me, what are they doing? what am i to answer her??”

Yeah, what do you answer her?

Actually,

What do you answer anyone who even understands the meaning of humanity?

I get how people that have been hurt or whatever it is hold grudges and have a tendency to avoid the party that had inflicted the pain or whatever but to hold on to that grudge like somebody murdered your family for the fun of it is just fucking irritating. Yeah okay, be pissed off. In fact be really pissed of for a year or so but to continue being pissed off and refusing to let go to the extent of constantly avoiding that person and even causing those around you agitation or discomfort at the mentioning of said person’s name is just taking it too far.

Hey.

THE PAST IS THE PAST.

DEAL WITH IT NOW instead of fucking around with your present and future.

People never realize how by dragging in their past into their present they end up muddling everything together and thus causing an even bigger effect than originally intended which would really screw their future over.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Im getting more worked up typing about this but i just want to say this to the person who pushed me to this point today.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW I FEEL KNOWING THAT SOMETHING SO LONG AGO STILL HAS SUCH AN ADVERSE AFFECT ON YOU? where the hell does that put me then? that at the end of the day, i am still never going to be above that or important enough for you to focus on me instead of something that happened in the past? People change, situations change but holding on to something that is no longer there is only going to create a time capsule of continuous pain.

I dont even know what to say to you anymore. Its not like you ever listen or that you even care enough to consider my feelings anyway.

*note to all my readers: this probably sounds like a rant about a bfs ex gf or something but no. not really. thats not it. i shall leave it somewhat cryptic. le sigh.*

So the story was like this.

i went for a casting call at Shiroku Productions for the recent Tutti Fruitti Froyo ad being shown on TV. i didn’t get the main or the featured but they called me up and asked if i could do a favour by helping out as an extra. i figured why not. its not like i had anything better to do with my life anyway and being an extra was infinitely less work or SO I THOUGHT.

Even before production i was required to attend a fitting session with their full Tutti Fruitti uniform and this itself was surprising as it is considering that from all my experiences being a features as well as an extra this normally doesnt happen for an extra. i shrugged it off and went ahead anyway since the place was so near where i was staying. the day of the production was another mess all together. i was surprised to notice that the make up artist was my own agent even “=_= but thought nothing of it again.

IN FACT NOTHING OCCURRED TO ME until me and another guy who was also an extra in the tutti fruitti uniform were required to do our own individual picture shoot kind of thing will FULL FRONTAL FACE EXPOSURES. the ad was meant to be like a cartoon kind of thing so they used pictures instead of it being entirely a video. Me and the other guy were really surprised and we started talking about it. i finally went up to my agent and asked why this was happening because i thought we were just extras in the background. This surprised her as well and she went and had a talk with the production house and wtf they had the dumbest explanation ever!!!

I was told that it was all just for the client to see and they wont really use us in the ad but there was internal complications and they had to appear to look like we were being featured as well or some crap like that. i tried demanding for a pay raise because extras get basically peanuts for the fact that we do not even have to agree to having ourselves shown because WE ARE SUPPOSE TO APPEAR NON EXISTENT IN THE BACKGROUND. the other guy was a really nice and shy fella and he didn’t really dare to bring it up but he was definitely unhappy about the whole situation as well and kept urging me to ask about it and so i did multiple times which i guess stressed everyone out especially the production company.

i saw the ads today and they had 2 different versions. the other extra had a lot of face time and i really hope they paid him later on for it or something but i reaaallly doubt it because even the mains and featured didnt exactly get much. hell, he even appeared in both versions!!! he’s the tall guy in the tutti fruitti uniform that is like the ambassador ya. NOW YOU tell me does that look like a role of an extra to you!?!

and then i found myself in the traffic jam ad as well. ONLY IT WAS JUST MY BODY because my face had been replaced by someone elses. their own staff for that matter of fact. why didnt you idiots just do that in the beginning then?? i have a suspicion they were afraid to use my original pic because of the scene i had already created during production itself. but i really think everything had been handled very unprofessionally. and its impossible that the pic was taken again because i was there the entire time and the other talents in the picture had left way before me.

here are the 2 ads btw.

Productions houses like Shiroku Productions really give malaysian companys a bad name wei. and such a horrible ad seriously “=_= not like the ice cream is some cheap ice cream can find on the streets. i think its even more expensive than haagan dazs wei!!!

TRAGEDY OF THE DAY.

ended up in line for almost 4 hours and when we were almost at the ticketing counter they said sold out despite having a big stack left over?!?! ARGH OMGQTFBBQ??!?!?!

i was pretty annoyed actually because the line wasnt exactly that long but they only had 2 or 3 ticketing counters?! and the worst part of it. they only limited like 5 per person and all the dickheads in front were holding up the line by going in groups and buying 5 each so they could sell it at a much higher prices to those at the back of the line! it was reaaally reaaallly annoying because seriously go get a life la. wanna be jackasses like that just to make money at others ppls expenses. i really hope you guys fall down and pokkai or something. wtf. zoukouts management also damn pandai wan. dunno why didnt limit to a smaller amount knowing the amount of people in the crowd waiting in line to buy the tickets. seriously stupid max.

den den they said ticket sales officially start at 6!! we got there at 5 and it already started?!? wtf??

actually im not that sad. i dont know why. plus im unusually tired the entire trip .__. i keep just wanting to go back to the room and sleep.

maybe because of all the drama that ensued in order to actually get here and all the delays and the cancellation and then the last minute agreements.

oh well.

just wanted to rant. wakkakaka.

sleepeh

\(*o*)/

i can only take so much.

but you really dont see it do you?

all you see is a spoilt impatient princess that doesnt give a rats ass about another person and demands that the world bow down at her feet without the slightest bit of guilt or compassion. this bossy little thing that acts like shes better than everyone else trapped in her own cocoon of vanity of self love unwilling to share her treasures or her life with anybody who cares or appreciate a single one of her blessings. an irrate and irresponsible kid that is too stupid and arrogant to notice things around or even know how to be concern over someone elses sufferings.

one day i will lose this silver of sanity left in me. and i pray with all my might that nobody will have to suffer because of it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

im really sorry for such an angsty post on this date u_u but i really cant help it.

so happy malaysia day everyone.

today i was offended in this way. offended much more than one would have expected. but it really was no big surprise, it had been something that was bugging me from day one since it started. at one point in time, somewhere near the beginning i started to believe that hey, maybe its been fixed. perhaps whatever it was that was holding that wall in place has been resolved and done with. only today i realise, wake up you smartass; there aint no such thing, that was a one time thing.

at the time of the occurrence, i felt my entire self esteem fall and crumble to the ground. the one thing i held my pride in, no matter what happened and it was taken away in a single white lie. one swift second, at then it was gone. along with my confidence, i felt myself worthless; worthless to the point of a much deeper emotion that sew a seed of hatred against myself for even trying at all. it was something i did not take lightly, not ever had i taken it as a joke or a reason worth lying but it was something i always held back on; something i could do on my will when i found deserving enough. today, it worked the opposite way. instead of a smile of contentment and utter satisfaction, i was left stranded confused and felt horridly unneeded.

my pride was shattered.

and i am disgusted to know that i could even be compared to something in the past that had no relative ties to me.

so very disgusted.

you know those days when you know it really is PMS and to make matters worst the whole day is just a fuck up of everything.

if the first day of april is a bad day does that mean it’s an indication of the month to come? oh dear. if it is im fairly sure i may not be able to survive this ordeal.

ANGER. FRUSTRATION. ANNOYANCE.

RARW!!!

what if she was a mother with her litter to feed and fend for? what if it was a companion of another rather lonely stray? it’s okay if they get hit and abused and ignored isn’t it? because face it, who’s there to care after that? there is a little society in every form of being, be it a human a dog or even something as small as as an ant. a cycle that goes on continuously, a structural heirachy and a special little community. yet just because we don’t see that in what we claim are lower beings we kill mercilessly without a hint of conscience.  

a death is a death no matter where. and a murder is still commited even if it isnt towards another human being. if we are capable of doing such horrid things to the less fortunate creatures, what is stopping us really from killing another? are we not all the same, flesh blood and bones.  it really does break my heart hearing and seeing these sins continuously committed all over the world, day in day out as if it was nothing but a small little issue; totally and completely unimportant to our so called intellectual and evolved society. U_U

i dont expect anything from writing this but i just felt like i really needed to get it off my chest. i never really got why it was okay to kill an animal but not okay to kill a human being. call me sick but really, tell me what the real difference is besides the fact that we look different?

i copied it, pasted it here. added the picture tagged my post and clicked publish.

every word, every punctuation disappeared. leaving only the picture. i wrote that post in emotional tears. tears of heartfelt confessions and surrender and now i write this one instead is tired frustration and angry tears.

i dont know what to say. how to react.

upset. very very upset.

this was the only thing left from my entire post. and gawd knows how much i fucking need you here with me right now….