Hello there old friend,
It’s been a while since i last came for a visit. I missed you. I did.
Today i felt the tightening of my chest, all too familiar yet different at the same time. There was no argument, no fight, no nothing; just weeks of wondering suddenly compacting itself into a lightbulb of unwelcomed realisation.
I have become a bird who’s wings have been clipped. Conditioned to never leave.
The light in my eyes, they have become weak.
And still I wonder, why haven’t you noticed?
But the truth is, my dear, you have indeed. Yet you keep quiet, unquestioningly brushing it off like this is how things are meant to be.
But things have gone much deeper than you realise. It isn’t as simple as it may seem for I now fear many things. Things I used to want so badly no longer appeal to me. I fear them like they are the plague and my caution grows ever much stronger. Dreams that used to be, now become nightmares that cling onto me.
And I often wonder if I have become that shadow I’ve always wanted to be.
Maybe the truth is,
I often dream of death,
Because death has already befallen me.
I am just waiting,
For you to finally see.