11.20pm edit

I dont know why but this video is causing a lot of racist arguments instead of the point. seriously ppl??

hey,

i get it. maybe the dog was harmful maybe it wasn’t and i know it’s for the safety of the neighbourhood but what i don’t get is how they couldn’t have dealt with it in a better way =/

perhaps a little more educations on handling the matter like tranquilizing the poor fella and handing it to more experienced ppl to put it down or to send it to a shelter to see the dog’s temperament to try and give it another chance instead.

WHY is the video instead causing ppl to argue against one another about being of a different race or a hypocrite or things like that.

sigh.

and i cant help but wonder. if that dog was a damn poodle, would this video be getting more united awareness instead..

miehh

*~*~*~*~*~*

At some point, I’ve pretty much given up on the whole animal cruelty stint.

A big part of me has died so many times that i no longer have much reaction anymore in compared to how i used to react despite that pounding agitation and the usual sting of tears.

But… this being done legally in Malaysia despite all the hoohaa that was created over the whole poodle and cat issue and all the press media, i can’t help but want to blog about this and ask why isn’t anything being done about situations like this?

Hey i get it that some stray dogs really need to be dealt with but isn’t doing it this way a little too much?

What really broke my heart was what the person who took this video said in his description,

“my 3 years old daughter asked me, what are they doing? what am i to answer her??”

Yeah, what do you answer her?

Actually,

What do you answer anyone who even understands the meaning of humanity?

Its almost impossible to hold my smile as the littlest of things will trigger an entirely new wave of unwanted reactions.

I don’t know what’s wrong but i know this feeling all too well.

That darkened room with all it’s shadows and me left shivering against an unseen corner.

I want to scream, not an angry scream but an aggravated scream — and then i want to curl myself into a ball, collapsed on the floor and cry till i can no longer breathe.

I’m suffocating.

I know I am.

But the real question is this.

Why?

Is it a collection of multiple reasons or is there something in particular that’s pressing at the back of my mind?

Why am i slipping?

Why have i begun to lose my new found self?

I am regressing.

And i can’t seem to stop myself.

i swear my conscience is becoming excessively ridiculous!!

not too long back the bf decided to bring some random fish home because he refuses to let me keep my guppies as they all had a sudden death when i went to aussieland last year. the fishie he brought home wasnt eating much despite it being an omnivorous fish.

so a few days back i saw the most DISGUSTING and long worm wriggling about outside. YES I HATE WORMS AND THINGS THAT WRIGGLE LIKE MAGGOTS!! give me spiders and lizards any day (i actually like them). Also, after absorbing this information about me, please throw it back out and forget it so you do not use it against me one day. ANYWAY, back to the story so i started going eww and made gagging sounds until the boyfriend came and said EH GO CATCH IT AND FEED TO THE FISH!

this of course sparked a series of OMG and NO WAY from me because seriously i am not going to pick that disgusting wriggly thing up so he went and got it and fed it to the fish. WAHLAH! fish very aggressively ate the friggin worm which was over 10cm long!! at first i was just happy because the poor skinny thing finally decided to swallow something and then it hit me. OMG THE POOR INNOCENT WORM!! all it was doing was wriggling its way back into the dirt from the tiles and in a flurry of unknown movements, it’s being drowned in water and suddenly ends up being bitten and swallowed by a fish with teeth! …. i was genuinely appalled at the whole idea of how i may have just contributed to the death of the very disgusting worm in such a torturous manner!! .___. drowning and being beheaded via bites is pretty hell fucked up aye.

and then yesterday another depressing though dawned upon me.

if most of you dont already know, the current place im living in is literally infested with mosquitoes so in order to help elevate this problem we have mosquito traps. the kind where the light and co2 attracts the mozzies and then it gets sucked into the trap and can’t escape. i’ve had it for a while now and ive never had any qualms about squishing and killing mosquitoes because they really piss the hell out of me (i am a walking mosquito attraction). so anyway the first trap we had was just like that and one sucked it they cant escape. my mum got me another one where you can put sticky paper at the bottom so the trap doesnt need to be continuously on (if u switch it off the fan stops so the mozzies can fly back out) since the mozzies get stuck on the paper.

i opened the trap to count how many mosquitoes there were and a few of them were still alive trying their best to escape T___T and i got hit by another level of guilt trippin. I AM TORTURING THE MOSQUITOES!!! you see, if i had a zapper or if i squished them, it would be an instant death. no suffering no nothing but these so called eco friendly traps work by trapping the mosquitoes and then they eventually die from dehydration!! BUT OMG CAN U IMAGINE HOW TRAGIC IT IS?!?! i am actually causing the mosquitoes to slowly dehydrate and die from it in a slow and depressing manner T_____T

now im in such a dilemma i don’t know what to do because the stupid voice in my head won’t stop mocking me T___T

i am evil.

i feel evil.

somebody help me. PFFT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA damn you conscience!!

its dark.

all i feel is heat. im grappling about trying to find my bearings.

the scene changes. the focus isnt me. im just a bystander watching.

theres someone lying there. i cant see whom it is.

a sudden burst of light. the dark figure is surrounded by flames. all i see is fire spreading. i still cant see his face. hes writhing in pain. im watching as his mouth opens to scream. there isnt a sound. the silence becomes anger. i feel it in the air. this figure, he becomes more upset as the flames continue to lick his perspiring body and face.

the air becomes more intense with a rage i cannot understand. as the flames grow angrier, it plays shadows across his face.

the first thing i notice is the creases on his forehead.

the flames continue to reveal each feature; slowly, menacingly.

every detail is familiar, yet i still cant place the name.

theres another figure. its a shadow. its not human.

it starts as a ball but then it starts to grow.

the first figure turns his head sharply.

hes staring right at me, his eyes pleading me to do something. hes looking right at me, but only his eyes appear real to me.

i stand there, unable to move. that pleading look changes. its annoyance and resentment.

he opens his mouth to say something.

instead a sudden look of pain and anguish flashes across his eyes and a scream is finally heard.

it jolts me, i start crying,

the scream, it emanates a dozen different kinds of suffering all at once. it doesnt stop. it becomes shrill and sharp and i feel my heart begin to pound.

i finally noticed the cause.

the other shadow. this shadow has taken the shape of a dog. there are no details, yet it could only be a dog. there is no real indications of this, yet you will know that there is nothing else that it can possibly be.

it has latched itself on his leg. biting into it with full force, the flames are beginning to douse off as blood seeps and flows in a dark velvet pool around the both of them.

the man, he turns to me again. once again pleading for help.

my heart feels heavy and i try to go closer but something is holding me firmly by my hands and feet. im bound. i struggle to get free and then a voice sympathetic and strange starts talking to me.

“theres nothing you can do my dear. he did this himself. he has to see what he has done to himself. feel the destruction of his uncontrollable emotions. be still.”

the flames begin to reappear.

and as it starts its dance, the scream becomes sharper and finally mute.

silence.

and then the crushing sound of bones breaking.

i shut my eyes and turn away. except i can still see it happening.

the dog, it bites harder and harder as the mans creases gets deeper and the flames become stronger.

his blood, is glistering in the light play of the flames. i feel something touch me.

i open my eyes and i look down.

the dark sticky liquid is rising. it has finally reached me. i feel myself sink unable to move away from the foul smelling scent of burning rotting flesh and the overpowering smell of blood stings even as i choke on my confusion of tears.

another scream is heard again,

different this time.

revengeful almost.

and in that split moment, the shadows on his face finally disappear.

i know him.

i know him so well.

and then my eyes fly open and im staring at the ceiling.

my heart continues to pound and my mouth is open as if im the one whos about to scream.

my dream.

it was so vivid.

i notice that im panting.

2 more papers to go. neither which i am prepared for and i iz sick making it even harder to concentrate “=_=

anyway. just to tell u im still alive. somewhat.

let me live through my last 2 papers and recuperate over the weekend and i’ll be back with more regular updates instead of filler picture spams and big gaps of nothingness. =S