its common knowledge that i am the kind of person that would rather put a bullet through a humans head than that of an animal. yet watching the hurt locket just now, i realise i am still capable of feeling human empathy. and its disheartening that it would take a movie to wake me up and be pulled back into realisation of whats really happening out there and the amount of human suffering that happens on a daily basis.

yet here we cower in our comfortable homes getting upset over things that really dont mean shit at all compared to the fragility and pain the less fortunate go through. and i cant help but to hate myself just that little bit more, for what i really cant seem to explain right now even if i tried.

my train of thoughts are all over the place as always and i cant seem to connect what i really want to say in this space today but its easy to understand why he would give up his home to walk back into that battlefield risking life and death all over again.

sigh.

sorry. incoherent thoughts. war movies make me emo.

The soft glowing edges of luminous light gives the room a sudden sensuality that makes your body quiver in anticipation and need. In an almost blind state of vision, the glowing stars merge together producing a dance in the dark that digs into your imagination and triggers a sensation known simply as lust.

You smell of strawberries as you step out dripping from the warm shower and watch as the steam slowly slips away and swirls around like a velvet ribbon left to fall slowly away.

You can feel the heat still sticking on your skin, and the air of the evening is warm like a veil around you. A natural kind of seduction that leaves your senses reeling in desire.

You look around the room and you recognise the musty smell of old books carelessly stacked in a corner beside the bed giving the almost empty room an intellectual air and you smile. The bed remains in the center your pillows left lying about.

The earthly tones matched perfectly with the wooden interior and you would enjoy nothing more but to lay across it naked in the arms of a lover.

there is that saying where time will heal yet here i stand in a case of opposing frequencies.

it is time that has made things so much messier and it is time that has made that line of staying or leaving so much more blurred.

i love you too much to just walk away.

yet i am so tired i dont know how much longer i can stay.

gee whiz. so the princess falls asleep in a foul mood and wakes up in an even worst mood. tres perfecto. must be that damn PMS. else something is definitely wrong. HM.

and as always with absolutely nothing intelligent to say here but because her crankyness has stopped her highness from attending classes today in fear of snapping off everybody’s heads, she misses her peeps who have all gone back overseas =( nobody free to entertain me on weekdays!! *sulks in corner* and nothing better to do la obviously so itchy backside must open blog and type rubbish lor.

and to note, i’ve already gotten sick of driving. tsk. talk about fast.

i feel like splurging money on clothes imma almost never gonna wear. and heels. and pretty things that make me happy. =(

i want to eat japanese. I miss Hajime and Rakuzen and Kampachi.

i miss Natalie Chai =(

and Khue Ju Piau and Keegan Lee. please come back quick and rescue me. thanks.

i miss Bakerzins awesomest strawberry shortcake. LE SIGH.

i want to swim. i want back all my club memberships especially KLGCC  T___T stupid overpriced memberships that get revoked at 18!! where is the justice in all of this!! it should be at least 21 NOT 18!! i is anger.

i want poached eggs from La Bodega or Yogi Tree U_U

oh. why do i have such expensive cravings now when i just got the blackberry. nao no more money to throw. ahhhhhhhhhhh. need work work. but dreading work this thursday to sunday. 12 fucken hours. and at 7AM. FML. what on earth possessed me to say yes.. oh right. empy bank account beckons. FML.

and i do not like fitness first in the curve. so much for platinum. it sucks. me fav is still at Manulife. glorious big windows and sun!! and so much more private for some reason. ahhhhhh. pilates almost killed me last week. i is so weak. it is pathethic. my friend Sophie took 3 classes back to back on Sunday. Body combat, Body Jam and Body Pump and she was perfectly fine T_T why am i like that. cannot even survive one class. UWUWUWUWU.

chants “i love my life, i love my life”

just shoot me.

it is becoming increasingly hard to distinguish just what really is the actual reason of my constant feeling of loathing and dread over the past few days.

initially i had thought it was you, but today i realised it turns out that it’s really just the same reason you seem to be so edgy over the recent days.

i have never hated the constant ticking of time as much as i have lately. and i am starting to feel that heavy heart of mine gain weight everytime the clock closes near midnight. that horrid realisation that it’s time i stood up and take that reluctant walk towards my car, to cautiously step in and prepare myself for that long quiet lonely drive back  into a place i felt i never really did belong.

it has been a trying one week.

i wonder how long more it’s going to go on.

sigh.

give me back my lazy days where i can just stay in a place for days without being condemned as a rotten kid.

i am very very tired.