I know I’ve been pretty MIA lately but I’ve been having my finals and since I’ve been slacking like crazy the past 2 years of my college life, I am indeed in layman’s terms FUCKED as expected. So a wee bit more time and effort is mega expected to at least hopefully achieve somewhat decent results. Next papers in a week so got la a bit of time to berupdate update. Well, at least my twitter is still being spammed like crazy. Uh huk uh huk (•̯͡.•̯͡)

Oh btw, I pimped my blackberry! Mwahahah! Its now pink and white with pink keypad backlights! I would post a pic but the one I have in my blackberry just doesn’t do it justice so one day la hah, when I’m hardworking enough to upload pics into the comp. Not that I’m at my comp very often anymore also but that’s totally irrelevant and cheh wah! My picture spams sudah berbackdated sampai setahun dah. Epic max!

I know I just came back from bali but I wanna go holiday again laaa. Kl city air is really sucking the energy out of me lo. Ish! And so sad, shanghai expo holiday not happening adi U_U berexcited for nothing. Aihhss

Its a cloudy day today, gloomy with the clashing of thunder in the background. The raindrops have yet to fall but I’m sitting in this cafe, cozy and unsurprisingly sleepy. My books are sprawled in front of me but I can barely even concentrate on a single word much less have these formulas and calculations drilled into my head.

The atmosphere is perfect for a cuddle or a nice quiet book read with french jazz playing softly from the hidden speakers in this romantically lit little gem that has become much of a favourite to me. Yet every afternoon spent here is a sad reminder of my dwindling grades and uninterested mind.

I miss the open air and warm sunshine. Its getting cold here. Much too cold for me.

I remember sitting in my car one evening where the sun shone golden rays that felt absolutely wonderful against my pale fair skin. And on my right, a sight tempted me so much as memories of my childhood came flooding in.

It was the park. It was the perfect weather. I longed to sit on the swings and feel the warm air ruffle my hair or just sit still and stare at the passing day. It was a sight so tempting, yet unreachable at that time. I felt my heart pulse with desire and break with painful disappointment.

Today sitting here in a place I normally felt at peace in, I am torn with a loneliness and a longing to be somewhere else. Somewhere like that park on a warm sunny day or under the sheets on that white bed wrapped in the warmth that is you.

I miss you.

And I miss my days where I didn’t have to give in to societies norms or expectations and obligations of a reluctant student’s life.

And then I am faced with the choice of what to do after that. Everyone else has flown off somewhere, applied and got accepted somewhere. Many are even starting their new course immediately in August. Wtf. So where does this leave me? Because seriously, I have progressed nowhere in finding out just what I want to do neither am I really even prepared to make that choice. Le sigh.

That aside, tonight is my first time stepping into a club for a party in months and I’m not sure if I’m even excited or I’m just dreading the whole situation. Its not even a club I like. Tsk.

I have gotten very much accustomed to staying home at night and snuggling on the couch watching dvds and playing with my crabby sugar glider gizmo. Yes. I am a sad 20 year old but forgive me. It is an old woman stuck in a young girl’s body I be.

Cruds. Typing such a long post on the blackberry is giving me hand cramps. Wtf max.

Next week is white water rafting and I’m damn gan jiong lor. Even roller coasters make my heart stop and I’m hell afraid of drowning although seriously fat chance of that. I’m not much of a adrenaline junkie. I like slow paced stuff that reflects my forever stoned slumber mood. So why did I go omg! I want to go is really beyond me. Maybe secretly I have a death wish. Pfft.

Have not attended pilates class in 3 weeks because the sister has kidnapped all my appropriate gym pants. Everything else is only going to risk ass and pussy exposure which really isn’t that pleasant a sight. Lol.

However, on sunday I went for my first yoga class and holy buhjeezus! My body ached donkey balls for the next few days after that class. I seriously have no balance whatsoever. Le tragic is it not? Am still in debate whether to go again this sunday T_T

Fwaahh! Then right in a month from now I’m flying to bali! And here’s the best part. I have yet to decide on a hotel. My passport has expired and I’ve still not gone and have it renewed. My ic has also not been renewed. And I have an exam paper the week after I come back. Haahahaha tres awesome it is.

Why la am I like that T_T I realy am quite a fuck up in life aren’t I? Lol. Okay back to my afternoon nap. Wtf.

this is uncle bens very paranoid chihuahua. lol. all of a sudden his name escapes me @_@ wtf. i really havent been there in a while huh. yeah. havent really been mixing with the fotoworx crew much anymore. long story. not important.

this is tj!! and im wondering whos using my comp and whos head is on my bed on the right hand side @_@ lol. random much?

button!! =D he’s also been with me for pretty long. poor boys castrated now. lol. big daddy of most of my baby rabbits.

HAHAHHAHA. im so retarded. got tissue stuck up nose also wanna show ppl. wtf max

miko! shes 13!! scary max =(

hello. say hi to my ridiculously messy table computer table at one point in my life.

a closer view of one part. actually it’s not much difference now also U_U slightly neater only. wtf. but still choc full of junk! .___.

15 May 09 @ Island Bistro, Pavilion

guess who behind!! look so aneroxicly thin right *o*

sorry la. i got fascination with their flower arrangement. damn cute lor.

no meh no meh

artistically challenged. wtf.

hahah its nat. and i like posting weird pics of her cuz shes entertaining like that. HUHUHUH

more!

wtf mayo also wanna take right. but cute what the way they serve it T_T yah. im easily amused. wtf

see. so hardworking lor. im studying for exam wei!! no joke @_@

looking at the size of the book. it was probably biology. but the point of this picture is FWAH SEE MY CHIN SO SHARP AH!!

i like coleslaw.

some fish burriton thingie @_@ lol. it was quite good lor actually. their set lunch damn cheap wan. den this thingie was damn addictive. but like damn long ago already la. who knows if it still exist or not at this point of time U_U. actually now that im looking at it’s picture im kinda like craving it. zomg stress. hello nat vvens or whoever. who wants to go eat with me this week =D

closer look at the “shit” mayo.

the witch nose + the pursed lips sideways is not a good combination. wtf.

and now…

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.BOO to you too =p

yeah okay actually damn pointless picture post but i like to document things can or not. i dont even remember what this experiemtn was about. why are we cultivating little plants in jelly culture again @_@.. bah what does it matter. just a few pictures.

see it grew!!

16-17 April 09

my fav grilled vege sandwich from Wondermilk Cafe! =3

er… nice to look at… normal to the taste buds

@wondermilk cafe Uptown.

Helps Corridor.

Chippy

sorry la. my dog cute can or not. i like to post can or not.

new hamster!

damn cute lor. wtf

this time im pretty sure with my decision and what i want to do. only problem now is whether my parents are capable of forking out the cash.

so far it looks like an okay but still waiting for a definite answer.

im afraid. im afraid of hearing words of the opposite manner. i finally feel a little bit more at ease at my decision but what if the answer is no. and back into my dreary routine i go.

believe.

(edit: and right now i am unhappy…. fuck this shit..)

it’s not that i hate my classes, it’s not that i hate being in class. it’s the whole idea of it that denies me my freedom and acceptance to even want to go back to it all. it really isnt about being lazy either its about doing something i know i really have lost the passion for; a dead end at a frozen trail and all i see is this monochromed lie thats slowly burying me inside.

holidays are meant to be good for you but what happens when you never really recover from it?

my next tattoo is a suicidal fairy straped to a revolver, unladylike and fierce; a piece i fell instantly in love with yet had no proper meaning to. it just stared back at me begging to be imprinted, with words “think happy thoughts” in place of the model of the revolver. it felt so me somehow yet brought no reason or that 100% clarity of being a permanant mark on my body that time around. classes have started and i fear depression setting it; it is right now that it brings a deeper sense of being somehow. i think this week will be a good time to get it done.

i just want to run away from it all, run away from the expectations of others and live my life happy and free. “you and everyone else” i hear the words scream back in my head. but i guess im not as strong as everyone else is now then am i? im not that girl with ambition or drive to make something of herself and like many other people i have become a downcast in the cruel eyes of mankind and the society we have been brought up in.

on the bus my thai friend asked, “why are you called emo girl? i know you so long and you like happy all the time only?” it’s true, i’ve been quite the carefree child over the months of skipping classes and doing things i want but today, right now, in the midst of forcing myself to get ready for class i sit here in front of this lighted screen and finally after months, break down.

but i sat in front of the comp and ended up playing Sims 3. that was at 4 pm. it is now almost 2a.m and i just stopped about 15 minutes ago T___T. i only stopped to take a quick 15 minute dinner and a quick 10 minute shower. omgwtfbbq.

right now i am partially blind @_@ everything looks somewhat blurry and my heads spinning and omg it feels good to waste my life playing pointless games for hours after hours like i used to =D. i am sick in the head wtf.

i did update 2 days back but it was a short reminder post so i decided not to post it. but i’ll jsut add it here.

I want a 70s themed roller disco party =D

er yeah i had to remind myself in my blog because i have a lot of self proclaimed parties that i forget a few days later because i am forgetful like that.

nothing much to update my life about but obviously the exams arent over. once again i have succesfully pawned myself with my laziness and amazing procrastination skills hence i forsee many many resit papers in the near 4 months. omgwtfbbq. oh well. my bad. still cant feel that whole STUDY ITS IMPORTANT thing in my head. maybe on the final of the final chance @_@

my head hurts .____.

claypot crab rice T____T

i have 3 maths paper left and suddenly i dont like maths that much anymore. it’s probably due to the amazing ability of mine to procrastinate. so amazing to the extent that i now have just over 24 hours to remember everything and do an unidentified sum of sums to burn that shit into my head. good grief, and here i am titter tottering about blogging. when will i learn. mieh

i want to lie in bed and roll around like i just dont care and play my sims 3 T____T SIMS 3 PEOPLE.. urghhhh. urghhh sounds like im regurgitating. okay that was totally random and irrelevant. i will go slap myself now. bai @_@

well technically i was but my brain was working on slow mo and i didnt have enought time to finish T___T good bye A.. hello resit for the 3rd time. wtf