Guess I was wrong. This isn’t the first time I’ve been wrong about you either.

Ah.

Life.

It always happens when we happily go around telling everyone how things are finally improving. Reality picks that as a cue to rear its ugly head and slap you back into situations that reveal the painful truth.

The truth still hurts.

Even after 2 years it hurts.

The same old things.

Same old situations.

And same old attitudes.

Still, I sit here waiting and waiting.

Hoping and hoping.

For something nobody else believes possible.

Why?

From an incidence of a close friend of mine to a continuous stream of movies and DVDs.

Is it really a happy thing for two people who really like each other to not end up together? Even when the feelings never really disappeared despite being years since their last meeting.

Many have said the movies I have seen were not sad at all and I was crazy to have cried as much as I did because in the end, there were always still the memories they both held on to and they skipped the pain of a love that dies after finally being together.

But there goes that constant questions of What Ifs?

And how do both parties really move on with their lives while still never really being able to let go of the other?

Isn’t it unfair to their future partners as well.

Why is that a happy ending?

Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I believe too much in fairytales and love stories but it always, ALWAYS hurts me to see two people who clearly have chemistry not end up being together even for just a little while yet still have their minds and hearts keep rotating back to each other as the years go on by.

I hate seeing things like that happen.

…

So do it.

Do it when they’re right next to you. Tell them how important they really are in your lives because that special moment is fleeting and every second of hesitation spells another opportunity for loss.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(I’m sorry this post is so messy and hard to understand. It’s been a while since I last wrote and the cascade of supposedly not so sad but incredibly sad to me movies have really hit a nerve with me and my head needs a little clearing..

This post has also nothing to do with me directly or anybody else I know in particular just a wondering thought as I find being in such a situation to be such a heart wrenching one while many are able to think of how it is actually better that way.

Bah!! Even I cant understand what I’m writing….

SORREH!)

But people are continuously naive and arrogant thinking that they are the all mighty and that they know best but it never occurs to them how everybody is built differently and how everybody has a personality system of their own that would incur a different outcome from that of themselves. Something bad for one person may not be bad for another person.

Lets take a boy and a girl for an example.

Boy dates girl. Boy breaks girls heart. Bad ugly breakup. Girl tells every subsequent girlfriend of Boy that he’s a shit person and he’s bad for them. But that isn’t the entire truth is it? Because at some point Boy is going to find someone he truly loves and things will be different for that special girl.

So learn to sit on the neutral fence more often and stop with the assumptions of other people’s lives.

You may just end up giving them bad advice.

And bad advice to the wrong person is going to destroy their lives.

All because you thought you were right and that you knew enough to put your nosy face into another persons life.

TSK.

though all these months i’ve quietly prepared myself, on the 21st month it still hurts to read those words and to see that expression i have always imagined said to me after the 24th month.

some statements hint nothing.

but men are creatures that are unable to see the face value of most things and the seed of assumptions marks its place and roots itself grudgingly like a rock fallen into hardening cement.

occasionally the assumptions link nothing towards the non existing hint but still it damages the fragility of a simple hope and belief system that keeps a normal person continuously running instead of shutting off.

i know the truth.

so why am i still here?

I dont know why but this video is causing a lot of racist arguments instead of the point. seriously ppl??

hey,

i get it. maybe the dog was harmful maybe it wasn’t and i know it’s for the safety of the neighbourhood but what i don’t get is how they couldn’t have dealt with it in a better way =/

perhaps a little more educations on handling the matter like tranquilizing the poor fella and handing it to more experienced ppl to put it down or to send it to a shelter to see the dog’s temperament to try and give it another chance instead.

WHY is the video instead causing ppl to argue against one another about being of a different race or a hypocrite or things like that.

sigh.

and i cant help but wonder. if that dog was a damn poodle, would this video be getting more united awareness instead..

miehh

*~*~*~*~*~*

At some point, I’ve pretty much given up on the whole animal cruelty stint.

A big part of me has died so many times that i no longer have much reaction anymore in compared to how i used to react despite that pounding agitation and the usual sting of tears.

But… this being done legally in Malaysia despite all the hoohaa that was created over the whole poodle and cat issue and all the press media, i can’t help but want to blog about this and ask why isn’t anything being done about situations like this?

Hey i get it that some stray dogs really need to be dealt with but isn’t doing it this way a little too much?

What really broke my heart was what the person who took this video said in his description,

“my 3 years old daughter asked me, what are they doing? what am i to answer her??”

Yeah, what do you answer her?

Actually,

What do you answer anyone who even understands the meaning of humanity?

Step 1: Pretend to be just friends.

Step 2: Do a stupid “cute” pose

Step 3: IT WAS COMPLETELY ACCIDENTAL. =X

I get how people that have been hurt or whatever it is hold grudges and have a tendency to avoid the party that had inflicted the pain or whatever but to hold on to that grudge like somebody murdered your family for the fun of it is just fucking irritating. Yeah okay, be pissed off. In fact be really pissed of for a year or so but to continue being pissed off and refusing to let go to the extent of constantly avoiding that person and even causing those around you agitation or discomfort at the mentioning of said person’s name is just taking it too far.

Hey.

THE PAST IS THE PAST.

DEAL WITH IT NOW instead of fucking around with your present and future.

People never realize how by dragging in their past into their present they end up muddling everything together and thus causing an even bigger effect than originally intended which would really screw their future over.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Im getting more worked up typing about this but i just want to say this to the person who pushed me to this point today.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW I FEEL KNOWING THAT SOMETHING SO LONG AGO STILL HAS SUCH AN ADVERSE AFFECT ON YOU? where the hell does that put me then? that at the end of the day, i am still never going to be above that or important enough for you to focus on me instead of something that happened in the past? People change, situations change but holding on to something that is no longer there is only going to create a time capsule of continuous pain.

I dont even know what to say to you anymore. Its not like you ever listen or that you even care enough to consider my feelings anyway.

*note to all my readers: this probably sounds like a rant about a bfs ex gf or something but no. not really. thats not it. i shall leave it somewhat cryptic. le sigh.*

actually i shouldnt even be blogging right now but i can’t help myself. I’ve had a rather depressing day with barely anytime for myself so here i am ranting away and letting the world know about the tragedies that seem to like befalling careless ginny and how her day was filled with forgetfulness and tragedies D=

im pretty careless normally but today i seemed to be at higher form than usual WTF

So as usualy la im the queen of last minute assignment wan. so last night cannot sleep properly cuz brain was partially in panic mode but overall i was just too tired to continue so pandai pandai lah go wake up this morning and do. VERY GOOD. finished the assignment with an hour to spare before class starts! actually i thought class was starting an hour earlier (i saw the wrong time on my watch) and went into panic frenzy mode because i thought i was late and while in the spur of frenzies note printings, i didnt noticed that i printed abt 30 PDF files wrongly…. so i had to throw them all aside (to be used a scrap paper) and reprint them in the correct order and alignment again. WUWUUW

den nvm i had to study for quiz then my lecturer said read this article thingie so okay la i go baca la. den because i had an hour to spare i read slowly all thinking that was all i needed to read. 45 mins b4 class i decide okay la im gonna go class early today but packed up my stuff all and then i was left with half an hour.

so i drive to college and lo and behold. tragedy. no parking in my usual spot. rounded for over 20 mins. finally got a parking somewhere much further than i normally park. rushed to class and i was only 5 mins late and quiz already started. TRAGEDY AGAIN. only 1 question from the quiz came form the stupid article. eveyrthing else was from last weeks class which i didnt even bother to read because it was the first time my lecturer sent out a msg telling us that the article reading will be in our quiz. WTF. in panic frenzied mode i could not think and literally almost eveyrthing wrong when in truth they were all very simple answers and i knew them like the back of my hand but the disorientation and rush i was in made my answers go whacked as well.

AND THEN i wanted to whip my phone out to twitter about my tragedy and i realised i left my freaking phone at home?!?!? HOMAIGAD!! tragedy max because immediately after class i was suppose to meet some friends and we hadnt decided on a spot and i didnt have their nos! so i borrowed my friends laptop to attempt to go into fb in hopes they would be online and when the laptop came into my lap the internet decides to fuck up and i cannot sign into my FB T___T

not long after i go down and hand up my assignment that i had not stapled because i wasnt sure if they needed this one extra piece (i brought a staple n staples thinking im damn smart) hand up that time i realise OH FML. NO WONDER IT FELT WEIRD THAT I HAD to write my group mates name n IDS at random places. I FORGOT THE FREAKING COVER PAGE?!?! I MEAN SERIOUSLY??! WHO FORGETS COVER PAGES?!?! sigh. lecturer doesnt realise and i hope she doesnt minus any marks for that U__U or im gonna feel so guilty. but thats not really our final assignment anyway. she makes us hand in weekly basis so our tutor can check on our stuff before the final compilation. I THINK. so she cant really minus marks for me forgetting a cover page right T_T the names and IDs are on all other pages. zzz

so in my stressed mode i skipped half my class drove all the way back because my appt was in abt 45 mins. found my phone told them what happen and collected myself for a while before going out again.

new tragedy arises.

i go out and realise the main gate is open….. it didnt shut when i pressed the remote earlier and because i was in such a rush i didnt turn around to double check and the dog went out when he normally stays in even if the door is open T_T and so i am alte to meet my friends and i spent a good 15-20 mins running around the neighbourhood trying to catch the dog because for some reason he wanted to be defiant and ran off everytime i came near contrary to how he would normally be obedient. he just had to pick a day when i was late to run out and refuse to come back in T_T BEST PART. i was wearing a double layered maxi dress and the sun was super hot.

i swear all the running around, my exercise quota was made.

went to bangsar shopping center and i normally use touch n go but my touch n go didnt have enough credit. ZZZZ

after that nth much happened lar.

but busy non stop until now. its already 12 am and i only had a bit of time for myself just now and i still havent started on my next assignment which i had earlier anticipated that i would have finished by now U_U

actually got a lot more to rant wan but im having headache adi and my arm is aching cuz i have to type with my arms up thanks to my charm bracelets wtf

K THX BYE

Its 4am.

I didn’t even realise how that happened.

I wasn’t even angry.

I’ve forgotten how to be angry.

I was just heartbreakingly lost.

The saddest part of it all was finding this out about myself instead; “maybe i just dont care anymore….”

I make up reasons to cry.

I make up these thoughts in hopes of persuading myself otherwise.

Just now.

I didn’t even try to justify my reasons.

Actually, i never really did.

Unexpectedly, everyone saw me become someone else. Everyone that is but me and that one person i undeniably cared about.

I allowed someone else to consume my fire. I allowed myself to be weakened. I allowed myself to give up.

Truth is, I opened up from the beginning and allowed the tunnel to show.

Its been over a year and i am still smashing myself against that indestructible wall.

What is a miracle if even miracles can be broken?

What have i become?

Who am i now?

Why all this for someone who sees nothing but a fight out of a week of contented happiness.

It’s 2005.

Depression is my best friend again.

Funny.

I told myself.

Never again.

I’m suppose to be stronger.

Why did i let my guard down instead?

I guess its true what they say.

Some things just never change.

Ginny going back into one of her emo rants that you guys are of course never surprised to find.

So how does one find it to be okay to completely neglect to tell their partners that they are going out for dinner to meet their friends and then telling them only about 2 hours before the occasion happens. There was of course and invitation but it included driving there oneself ignoring the fact of course that the venue of the place is less than 15 minutes away from where the poor waiting girlfriend is. Of course i can drive there but i don’t see the point of driving in 2 seperate cars to the same place and driving back in 2 seperate cars when its so damn near.

What i dont get is this. It’s perfectly okay to be late for anything related to said partner (late being half an hour to even 3-4 hours) but not okay to be late for said very good friends?

i guess in most circumstances im being absolutely unreasonable and i should of course just drive there myself but when you spent the night crying and then listening to sorrys that barely even justifies itself one would unaccountably be pissed off even more when instead of following instincts and fleeing somewhere else, one decides to stupidly go home and wait patiently at home as one always does anyway.

But whoop de doo. Mistake of the year because it was discovered making a short detour to get me is way too much hassle and it’s okay to make me wait but never okay to make others wait. =)

Most of the time, i think my immunity level has gone up but lately, i keep wondering to myself; perhaps it’s time to stop.

This level of breakage was just the tipping point of what’s already almost full to the brim. That one little leaf that could make the whole tower come crashing down but of course nobody notices. Nobody.

Especially not him.

Nobody but the tired circles under my eyes and that dull aching pain of familiarity.